Health Care, Freedom and Conscience

I'm writing this blog about something most people don't care about and some have not even heard of. I ask that you have an open mind about the perspective I'm about to share. Most people don't understand the issue and/or they have dismissed it as unimportant. I hope you will be different.

I am presenting an issue important to both conservatives and liberals, to Christians, Buddhists and Pagans. This issue crosses all political and religious lines, because religious freedom is important to us all. A great many people have heard that the issue at hand is about birth control and abortion. It's really not. The issue is about whether a person or organization should pay for things that strongly go against their conscience. Atheists out there, how would you feel about having to pay for Bibles? Orthodox Jews, do you want to be forced to offer pork in your shops or pay a tax because you don't sell pork? You may say this can never happen to you. How do you know that once a precedent is set, it can't happen to you? A regulation under the “Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act” which some call “Obama-care” could open the door to make this happen. It's called the HHS Mandate.

Economic Ethics drives this issue. The goal of opposing this mandate is that people very opposed to an activity shouldn't have to pay for it. Any time a person pays a premium, co-pay or deductible, they will be partially paying for birth control and abortifacients and sterilization. Companies and organizations will be forced to offer this service, even if they believe it is gravely immoral.

So, most of you may say, “Who cares? That's dumb anyway.” I was with you, before I understood the issue. I won't lie. I now believe that life begins at conception and that using birth control that will prevent that embryo from implanting flushes away a life that was meant to happen or it wouldn't have been created. Do you have to agree? No, you don't. Can you believe I am an absolute loony to believe such a thing? Yes, by all means. Can you classify me as old-fashioned, too traditional, and a general stick-in-the-mud, square sort of person? Sure, why not!

I don't care how you view me, but don't try to take away my rights. The Amish are old fashioned and many think their ways are kind of nuts, but does the government force them to buy cars? I have a right to be weird and hokey.

One misunderstanding I've seen floating around the internet is that people who oppose the HHS mandate are trying to take away rights to birth control, abortifacients and sterilization. This could not be further from the truth. People in America have a right to these services by law. People who work for an employer who doesn't cover these things are still free to purchase insurance coverage or services elsewhere. In addition, birth control is both ubiquitous and free in many clinics already.

The HHS mandate has rightly been called a “sleeper issue,” meaning an issue that will be ignored until it causes Obama to lose the election. Many wrongly believe that Catholics don't agree with the Church's position and won't oppose the mandate. Wrong. Even Catholics I know who do use birth control are nervous about this threat to freedom. I see stats floating around that over 90% of Catholics use birth control. These stats are wrong because they are interviewing lapsed and inactive Catholics. The vast majority of practicing Catholics do not use birth control. Yet, overall, agree or not, right or wrong, their faith is critical to most practicing Catholics, who are influenced by their bishops.

And, it's not just us. The list of groups opposing the HHS mandate is quite long. Evangelical Protestants, Orthodox Jews and Catholics are opposed. Also some secularists are opposed on the logical grounds that freedom is threatened. Where are the Buddhists on this issue? My Tibetan Buddhist friend told me abortion is against her religion. If the current government wants support for the healthcare plan, they will never get it by treating religious groups like dirt. Further, HHS shows disregard for women by forcing them to purchase birth control/abortifacieant products against their will, whether they want it or not. Is this fair?

I'm not sure about the other organizations, but since I'm Catholic, I know this: The Catholic Church won't just swallow her position and go on. No, if need be, all Catholic hospitals, clinics and schools will close. I heard a woman on a radio call-in show say, “I think the Catholics should stay out of the hospital business and just handle their worship business.” The hospital business IS our worship business. In fact, the Catholic Church innovated the first hospitals shortly following the Council of Nicea in 325 AD. With the exception of a few scattered examples of primitive hospitals from 252-325, the first major hospital undertaking was largely a Byzantine Christian effort, as hospitals were added onto most churches and cathedrals. Serving the sick and poor has always been a core priority for the Catholic faith, and service IS our worship.

Under the “exceptions” of the new mandate, if a church organization hires only church members and serves only church members, it may be exempt from paying for birth control and abortifacients. What church wants to do that? What church with a conscience CAN do that? Someone comes in with a gunshot wound and a nurse has to act if they're Catholic or Evangelical before they can save their life? To use a colloquial expression, we are being “blown off.” Blown off my the government, blown off by the general public. No one really cares about us. If this precedent is set, who will care about you?

Will you help us support opposing the HHS Mandate?
Petition Here-(Against HHS Regulation ONLY, not entire health care plan.)

Note: Articles are circulating all over the web that Plan B and Ella are not abortifacients.
This is not conclusive. Read what the Mayo Clinic has to say here.

Who is Mary, Anyway?

I have been on a quest to understand the Blessed Virgin Mary. I felt compelled to research this because the concept absolutely dumbfounded me. When I become both fascinated and confused, I also tend to get a bit obsessed. At the moment, I'm reaching some clarity, so I thought I'd share a bit of the insights I have gained with you.

I come from a protestant background. More specifically, I grew up in a heavily fundamentalist climate, although my own parents were moderate Baptists. I attended youth group, choir and other activities. I remember a slide presentation I saw once in chapel. We were shown pictures from Mexico of statues of the Virgin Mary. The Baptist missionary from Mexico who led the presentation shared with us, with a very sad and sincere face, that there were no Christians in Mexico, because everyone worshiped these statues. I too, felt sad.

Later in life, I immersed myself in a New Age background. The Blessed Virgin Mary was presented to me as a “goddess.” However, at the same time, Jesus was presented to me as a “face” or “mask” of God, like many other masks and manifestations, such as Mohammed and Krishna and the Buddha. I was told, however, that humans could become gods and that Jesus was an example of one who achieved that goal, joining the pantheon of gods along with Zeus, Athena and others. So, the Blessed Virgin was said to be a goddess, but Jesus was not thought to be uniquely God, but one among many. I did not realize at that time how this type of thinking is equally skewed.

I tend to be an extremist. Everything I do tends toward the hard-core. So, I have swung to both far ends of the spiritual pendulum and many bizarre places in between. If Jesus is not a god among gods and Mary is not a goddess at all, where then is the truth? The answer is nothing most people would actually think of unless they read a lot of seemingly obscure medieval texts and depth theology. And why do that? Why the interest? In the process of becoming Catholic, I paid a lot of attention to people sharing with me about Mary. Mary was part of our curriculum. Still, I did not understand anything whatsoever about her. I knew what they said, but I didn't know if what they said made sense. But now it does.

What I learned throughout my study so far can be summarized this way: Mary surrendered all she is and all she does to God, for His glory. Because her soul "magnifies the Lord,” Mary has become, for many people, a means to see Jesus, who is the way. Mary reflects light from God so we can see Jesus, the Way.

Mary is not, as I was taught, as a Baptist, a false “way” to God, someone to whom only seriously misled people would pray to as the “way” to God, instead of Jesus. Jesus is “the way, the truth and the life” and no one goes to Heaven except through Him, just as the gospels say. Once again, Mary is not “the way.” When I realized that, I knew with certainty that I was not committing idolatry to ask Mary to pray for me to grow closer to Christ.

Mary is a human being, as fully human as you and me. She is not a goddess in any way. Mary willingly  serves as a feminine vessel that God moves through unimpeded and at full strength. She is not like us, who are limited to earth and constantly throwing obstacles of pride and ego in the way of God's will. Because she is a vessel, like a channel, prayers directed to Mary are directed immediately to God because that is Mary's main purpose for existing. I look at Mary as a way to view God through the perceptual lens of the feminine. I find this very helpful because I am a woman. Mary is a model of humble surrender for men and for women, but it is easier for me to follow her example than that of Jesus, because she is female, like me.

I've been going to the meeting/retreat days for the secular carmelites, because I am an aspirant for the Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites. Last Saturday, I sang some new hymns I had not heard before. One of them was, “Mary the Dawn.” Some of the words of that prayer are “Mary the gate, Christ the heavenly way.” As I hear those words, I imagine a path with an open gate, and that is Mary, always open to God. She is our example and a way of finding  the way. She is viewed as a beacon light over the ocean in the hymn “Ave Maris Stella,” or “Mary, Star of the Sea.” She is a beacon, a light to move towards as we seek to reach Christ.

Mary is in no way the “way to the way,” as this would be ridiculous. Her parents would be the “way to the way to the way” and so on, infinitum. Mary is instead an optional way to contemplate and receive God's way. St. Louis de Montfort is an expert in explaining the many benefits of following the way of Jesus with Mary's help. In fact, he believes Mary's intervention is the best way to worship Christ. I'm leaning towards that point of view and as I read, the depth and dimensionality of Mary's relationship to Jesus is awe-inspiring to contemplate. Today, the memorial of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I am beginning a process of preparing for consecration to Jesus, through Mary. If this is idolatry, so is going to Jesus through listening to your minister. After all, just as God can enter your heart through the words of your minister, God chose to enter the world through Mary.

Mary is content to be a human forever, and one through whom our Lord may pass without obstruction, and through perfect expression. None of us are going to become gods, ever. We are born to be creatures forever. We can become perfect and glorified creatures, like Mary and the saints, but only God is God. I know that might sound like a drag to some of you, and it sounded like a drag to Lucifer too, so he is working hard to become a “god” and to encourage others to do so too. Jesus is the only God who has ever or will ever walk the earth. If a person is a member of another religion and they experience Jesus' love without knowing or realizing his name, that is the same thing as going through Jesus as the way, and they can be saved and reach heaven. However, the other gods they pray to (although they do not know they are false gods) are not God.

In all ways, Mary magnifies the Lord. I hope one day, my soul will magnify the Lord, so that people will see the way to Christ through me. Amen.


Footnote :)
I've only been Catholic for two months now, so if my catechism is off, let me know either here or by email. Thanks!

Total Freedom

It seems everywhere we look in self-help, spiritual and metaphysical sections of bookstores, authors have come out with their own distinct methods and ways to improve our lives, heal our souls and make our dreams come true. The paths generally involve a numbered list, such as four or twelve steps. Sometimes, the first letters of each word form an acronym, or they all start with the same letter, to make them easy to remember. Regardless of format, a sort of “promise” accompanies the text. If you, the reader, will faithfully do “x,y and z,” “a,b and c” will happen. A cause and effect relationship is proposed by the author and that is what sells you, the reader, in your decision to purchase the book.

What do you think would happen if someone suggested that you do “x,y and z,”you may or may not receive anything at all? What if they told you the reward was in the asking? What if they also told you that through following their suggestions, you may likely suffer more, not less, but that through this suffering, you will unite with an aspect of God who suffers, and that this union will bring you boundless peace? Crazy, you'd probably say.

 After all, everybody knows there are a zillion methods to instant happiness, from the $20 book in the bookstore to the $400 retreat weekend. You will be told all the love you need is within yourself, that you are perfect, that you have never done anything wrong and that you can be like God or even become a god. You may also be told you will gain great wealth and “abundance” through their methods. Unlimited freedom, peace and joy will be yours. I once attended lots of workshops like this.

Once, I paid $250 monthly for a four hour workshop that met once a month. The workshop was worth a lot because of the “very holy woman” who would guide us. Now, in the beginning of most forms of meditative practice, people strive for purity or to cleanse themselves from that which would impede the meditation experience. Traditionally, in Buddhist and Christian practice, effort is made by people to free themselves from selfish instincts which impede man from following the will of God. However, for this group, I was told to thoroughly cleanse myself of “judgments” before the monthly meeting.

 Let's take a look at this objectively: Traditional religious practice focuses on using judgment to free the souls from selfishness which keeps the individuals tied to their own limited, mortal abilities. In the practices of the workshop I attended, we were told to effectively silence the conscience and begin to let selfish desires and instincts run wild. I was even told on a separate retreat experience the catch phrase that, “Our feelings are integrity.” So, the goal of such spiritual practice was to let instincts run “free” of judgment to impede them. “Total freedom” is supposed to be possible through this experience.

From a Christian perspective, passions aren't negative. However, being controlled by passions is anything but freedom. The key word here is “controlled.” How free are we when under control of our passions, just as the “enlightened” animals and babies that have no “judgment” yet? I'd wager that a baby isn't quite free. Operating on instinct as the brain develops, the infant's presence naturally brings much joy to adults. Yet, we (hopefully) grow up to learn to master instinctual impulses.

Some teachers from that tradition do stress the mastery of mind and emotion, but it is always geared towards reaching a goal the individual wants, such as to “manifest” a personal fortune, get a new car or the lover of their dreams. St. Thomas Aquinas listed four distractions on the way to finding truth: fame, fortune, power and pleasure. That's because they are not goals of real spiritual life. In order to be “free to carry out the will of God and to share in the freedom of the Holy Spirit,” profound renunciation of selfishness is required.

Choice of spiritual practice boils down to one thing: Are you looking for something lasting, enduring and reliable? Or would you rather chase down each quick and easy fad that promises you your version of Heaven on Earth? “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Notice, in this part of the prayer that God's kingdom comes to earth through following God's will, not our own.

Would it be your will to be nailed to a cross? No, and for Jesus, fully human, crucifixion wasn't that appealing either. However, because Jesus is also fully God, he surrendered His human will selflessly to the greater good for all mankind. People forget Jesus united his human will to God's will. People forget that Jesus knew ahead of time he would be crucified. He also did not fight it, although he stayed up all night “sweating blood” as He contemplated the time to come. To me, the death of Jesus proclaims how pain has no power over the disciplined soul. We can still choose to be loving in the midst of it. Inversely, pleasure also has no power over the disciplined soul. A special state of “detachment” occurs with purification of selfish instincts.

Jesus did not promise His disciples new cars (or camels) and exotic vacations and He did not take them for Himself. To do that would only distract from the priceless treasure He offered. Jesus does not promise us we will be happy. He does not promise we will be rich and always healthy. In the “myths,” there is only one who makes such promises to his followers, and that is in exchange for their very souls. Yes, you can join the cult of self-worship. You can pretend Christianity is all about fear. But, deep down, you know it can't be reduced to that.

Christianity is about freedom, but not always about feeling good. If you want to pick and choose beliefs based on what resonates, feels good, and is what you feel drawn to and like, know that you may not like the real truth. Like it or not, it will set you free. Free to know what it feels like to really learn to love as Jesus did. Even learning about Jesus is free. Don't be afraid to explore it.

Why Join One of the Least Popular Religions in the World

Why join one of the least popular religions in the world? Besides Islam, there is probably no more misunderstood religion in the world today. Catholicism is often viewed as intolerant, when in actuality she stands for compassion more than anything else.

Growing up Baptist, I learned so many myths about Catholicism that I can barely count them. It's a miracle I was open enough to this faith to see what it had to offer me. These are the gifts I have received this year:

(1) Nothing else makes Christianity real for me, so I can experience it with all my senses and feel myself connected to Jesus in a true relationship. The beautiful, timeless visuals, sacred music, Catholic prayer that helps me feel as if I'm seeing and hearing Jesus speak through the Bible and my heart make Him as real to me as death and taxes.

(2) Nothing else has taught me how suffering can be sanctified and how we can work in union with it, rather than against it, so that suffering loses its power. This jewel of awareness is amazing for getting through tough times.

(3) Nothing else has helped me be fully accountable and honest with myself. Beyond genes and environment, there really is free will. With no one there to say, "Don't beat yourself up," or "don't judge yourself. You did the best you could," I can now face judgment without fear, using guilt as a tool to freedom. Hey, it works for me! Before, I was just repressing my conscience with "not judging" and that could never feel authentic for me. All the work I've done through the years to build self-esteem? No longer important. Good thing, because it really didn't work anyway. I'm now aware of how precious I am to God and I want to offer my gifts and talents in service to him. So, I am very happy with me.

(4) Nothing else has anchored Christianity in a greater philosophical, historical and cultural depth. My mind, emotions and soul can all resonate with treasuring the tradition that preserves the early Church. Many protestants do not trust that the Church has preserved this tradition, but I have come over time to believe that they do. Reading the works of the early church fathers of the first century can show you what I'm talking about.

(5) I can see, not only how my own life ran off track, but how humanity as a whole has become lost. I am able to question the social and cultural "wisdom" that makes up our modern world. For example, are we being edgy and revolutionary to assert the precepts of the sexual revolution? Actually, no. Everyone is doing it. Look around. The question is, "Who is examining their beliefs about doing it?"

(6) The Buddhist tradition and Catholic tradition both produce saints. Both are old religions and both stress learning constraint against worldly pleasures and offer a productive approach to suffering. When people throw together a hodge-podge of ideas and claim to be speaking from the "heart of all spiritual traditions," watch out. At best, they are talking about love, although it will be ambiguously defined. At worst, they are offering a superficial understanding of the many religious traditions in order to further their ego or profit based agenda. I go with the tested, tried and true. Catholicism it is!

(7) There is no "safety" in leaving the world of moral relativism. In fact, it is an act of bravery and a surrender of will. The Christian Way of "dying to yourself daily" is not for the faint-hearted. The rewards are in the development of comfort within the deep, inexplicable mystery that is God. When I am accused of "sheep mentality," I wonder if the person talking to me has done a sanity check.

(8) Prior to coming to the Catholic Church, I had learned to view myself as God (new age concept) or I viewed gurus as gods. Unlike what I was taught as a Baptist, there is no idolatry in the Catholic Church. Rather, there is a very deep reverence for the one true God. I learned that Mary and the saints are not worshiped and adored, but venerated. Huge difference. Yes, I can pray to them but only asking their help to deepen my relationship with Christ. It's like having a conversation with a loved one at their grave. Great tool- support network even beyond the grave.

(9) Prior to coming to the Catholic faith, I was taught that my relationship with myself and God is all that matters, so why have a priest? My problem with this was wondering how to tell how much of the conversation really came from God, and how much just echoed opinions or was not truly from Him. In my classes, I learned how wisdom and discernment come from grace, and although grace is a free gift, it is difficult to receive it when you're not open to it due to sin. Learning to identify and release sin through forgiveness clears the channel. A priest helps a lot with that. The release I've felt through going through this process is profound. This is a peace that is deep to the core and unlike anything I felt in any other "spirituality."

(10) I've been able to learn far more about the Bible than I did as a Baptist. Baptist preachers choose what verses or sections of the Bible to preach about, and since some sections are more popular than others, I never heard certain parts of the gospels until I was at mass. Some of what I have heard is really hard stuff. I could hardly believe it was in there and I definitely needed help to grasp it. Every section of the Bible is studied and read in sequence at mass. We have a reading from the old testament, psalms, gospel and new testament at every mass. Every three years, almost the entire Bible has been covered. I never learned so much in my life.

In Response to Freedom from Religion Foundation's Ad

I have created my own "ad" in response to the ad recently published in the New York Times by the "Freedom From Religion Foundation," in which Catholics are ridiculed and intentions misunderstood in a self-described attempt to "drive Catholics away from Church."

Original ad is here:
http://www.creativeminorityreport.com/2012/03/nyt-ad-quit-catholic-church.html

My new ad:

(the cartoon)

(the whole flyer)

The text says:

Will it be personal responsibility, or more of the selfish irresponsibility we have increasingly seen over the past 100 years? Do you hold sacred human life or pursuing your own sexual agenda, even if it results in the death of embryos (via the pill and IUD preventing implantation) or the death of infants in development in what should be the safe and sacred mother's womb? Which side are you on?

In light of the Freedom from Religious Foundation's ad declaring war against human life for the convenience of unbridled expression of human sexuality...

Why are you aiding and abetting the voices of a social movement that has repeatedly engaged in a crusade against the protection of human life that the Catholic Church has sworn to protect? To support an organization that considers “women's health” the ability to remove their own children from their bodies for any whim? Deliberate slander of the Catholic faith should no more be encouraged than anti-semitism.

If you imagine you can challenge this social movement- get it to respect the fact that since science does not know when the human soul enters a person, they are taking the risk of murder-- you are deluding yourself because that movement is dedicated to protecting its right to “sexual freedom” so strongly that consideration of moral issues is closed off from the mind.

By remaining a “good Catholic,” you embrace a long tradition of finding freedom through the practice of unselfish love and concern for all life.

Why put up with such a social movement that threatens to pull you away from what you know to be true? NFP is as effective as the pill when practiced properly. Abstinence is also possible, despite continual messages of the world that it is not possible or desirable.

Most importantly, the right not to finance the irresponsible sex lives and potential loss of human life inherent in birth control is a fundamental religious right.

The Church is more welcoming than they are, for they hope to
nurture you in your ability to love, forgive and live unselfishly.

Stop the lies. Hold fast to your faith.

Yours Truly,
A Catholic Convert Who Once Believed the Lies

Does religion have any purpose?

How easily I wrote off religion! Everyone knows it only gave guilt, fear, suffering and "sheep mentality" to the world. Who in their right mind would be drawn to it?

Me. When all else failed. I found out when you plug in those "negative emotions" where they fit, only then can the experience of humanity be made sacred. Where do these negative emotions fit? Generally, they go where and when things aren't good for me.

Along with lots of people, I thought sex was the answer to all my problems. After all, I had been taught in psychology and even from a few therapists I had, that sexual repression made people neurotic. Although repression could cause far more problems than sublimation, I had too many empty experiences trying to work all that out.

I wonder how it is that the rate of mental illness has mushroomed (along with the divorce rate) since the great "sexual revolution". People want their own freedom first, at all costs, regardless of how others are affected. Many of these people will quip that they aren't responsible for how others feel. Others will quip that their true freedom comes through sharing their love with others. Does that extend to difficult times of suffering or will the other person be dismissed since you believe suffering isn't healthy?

I've been where they are. I've defended a lot of selfish decisions. I had felt trapped in my life and I wanted to be free. I did just that. I became much more confident and successful in my life. When my idea of "success" collapsed, it was hard to find meaning. I kept being told that I could gain "personal power" and become all I ever wanted by believing in my "divine nature."

Had I not felt desperate, I wouldn't have stayed with this thinking as long as I did. Deep down, I remembered the story of the Garden of Eden and how the serpent told our original parents they would "be as gods". Deep down, I knew that making myself my own god was a type of idolatry. When I wasn't trying to become as God, I was idolizing gurus. Finally, I collapsed with guilt from it all.

My gurus would have cautioned me not to judge myself and to stop being a victim, through guilt, but if I had done that, I would have denied myself the greatest realization of my life.

After a five year period of re-examining these things, it became apparent to me that I had a desire to explore what Jesus had to offer. I learned more about contemplative prayer, lectio divina, and a Jesuit technique of visualizing yourself in the life of Jesus. I started reading scripture and saw how superficial my understanding had been before.

I had thought I could draw from the universal root of all religions, love, but I didn't have the best example available of how to live that love. Christianity began to make love concrete and real- not an airy bliss but a solid foundation for my life. All other attempts at such "foundations" had failed. I used to believe my spiritual teachers could act as clear or clearer mirrors for me, but Jesus is the clearest mirror there is. He's the only one safe to be trusted.

Everything he did in life was to give to me and you. He didn't help us for material profit. He taught us how to sanctify suffering, not to avoid it. Yes, even suffering can be sacred. Through this, I've learned more meaningful ways to view emotions I once avoided.

Seeking God can take many faces and phases. I don't believe if you don't agree with me you're going to hell. I only wanted to share my story.

Reflections on the Cloud of Unknowing, #2

One facet of the Cloud of Unknowing that strikes me most is the anonymous author's clarity. Although he uses some expressions incomprehensible to the mind, such as how God is "nothing and nowhere," and he often speaks of paradoxes, on matters of faith he is resonatingly clear.

In my reading over the past few days, I find myself excited by the questions he posits. I write each word of the questions down, contemplating them in anticipation of the answer. The answer surprises me and brings immediate lucidity to my soul.

The truth doesn't have to confuse. Confusing the mind does not help one abandon the mind. Jesus sought to clarify, rather than confuse, with his parables. The absolute genius of the parables of Jesus lies in how we are shown the paradoxes we believe about every day life, without our even realizing they are paradoxes.

From the point of grasping the principle through the metaphoricaly imagery, somehow we grasp a deeper truth than may be explained with logic or reason. The parable of the prodigal son contains the paradox of being undeserving and yet receiving abundant reward. Another example is of the mustard seed, tinier than other seeds, which grows into a large and powerful tree.

Have you ever thought about how many paradoxes you believe every day and take for granted? What about how the sun appears to rise and set, but you also know it isn't really doing that? How about the way an electron can be either or a particle or a wave, depending on whether you are observing it or not? We don't understand these things, yet we do not question that they are.

It is possible to speak the truth with clarity and also on the level that only your soul, beyond the mere mind, is able to grasp it. Anonymous, through the Cloud of Unknowing, has helped me see the purpose of reason and its best uses. This was a welcome relief to the way I saw reason before, as something unneeded and just to be discarded in the spiritual journey.

Make no mistake, Anonymous stridently recommends that we throw everything imaginable into the "Cloud of Unknowing," and that includes good and bad, sinful and virtuous thought. However, his approach is to gradually guide his reader to this end, making sure a firm foundation is built first of pure motives and love without selfish aims. I understood for the first time who I am in relation to God, what grace is and what it takes to experience union with God.

I had come from a previous tradition that was just too convoluted and confusing for me to build up my relationship with God, which is why the structure fell apart in the end. My understanding and practice of what it means to be fulfilled have shifted towards a more productive process. I'm learning to simplify thoughts and experience their new potency.

"Motivated by a strong desire to reduce themselves to nothing, they will have a strong desire that God be all." -Anonymous, from The Cloud of Unknowing