It seems everywhere we look in self-help, spiritual and metaphysical sections of bookstores, authors have come out with their own distinct methods and ways to improve our lives, heal our souls and make our dreams come true. The paths generally involve a numbered list, such as four or twelve steps. Sometimes, the first letters of each word form an acronym, or they all start with the same letter, to make them easy to remember. Regardless of format, a sort of “promise” accompanies the text. If you, the reader, will faithfully do “x,y and z,” “a,b and c” will happen. A cause and effect relationship is proposed by the author and that is what sells you, the reader, in your decision to purchase the book.
What do you think would happen if someone suggested that you do “x,y and z,”you may or may not receive anything at all? What if they told you the reward was in the asking? What if they also told you that through following their suggestions, you may likely suffer more, not less, but that through this suffering, you will unite with an aspect of God who suffers, and that this union will bring you boundless peace? Crazy, you'd probably say.
After all, everybody knows there are a zillion methods to instant happiness, from the $20 book in the bookstore to the $400 retreat weekend. You will be told all the love you need is within yourself, that you are perfect, that you have never done anything wrong and that you can be like God or even become a god. You may also be told you will gain great wealth and “abundance” through their methods. Unlimited freedom, peace and joy will be yours.
I once attended lots of workshops like this.
Once, I paid $250 monthly for a four hour workshop that met once a month. The workshop was worth a lot because of the “very holy woman” who would guide us. Now, in the beginning of most forms of meditative practice, people strive for purity or to cleanse themselves from that which would impede the meditation experience. Traditionally, in Buddhist and Christian practice, effort is made by people to free themselves from selfish instincts which impede man from following the will of God. However, for this group, I was told to thoroughly cleanse myself of “judgments” before the monthly meeting.
Let's take a look at this objectively: Traditional religious practice focuses on using judgment to free the souls from selfishness which keeps the individuals tied to their own limited, mortal abilities. In the practices of the workshop I attended, we were told to effectively silence the conscience and begin to let selfish desires and instincts run wild. I was even told on a separate retreat experience the catch phrase that, “Our feelings are integrity.” So, the goal of such spiritual practice was to let instincts run “free” of judgment to impede them. “Total freedom” is supposed to be possible through this experience.
From a Christian perspective, passions aren't negative. However, being controlled by passions is anything but freedom. The key word here is “controlled.” How free are we when under control of our passions, just as the “enlightened” animals and babies that have no “judgment” yet? I'd wager that a baby isn't quite free. Operating on instinct as the brain develops, the infant's presence naturally brings much joy to adults. Yet, we (hopefully) grow up to learn to master instinctual impulses.
Some teachers from that tradition do stress the mastery of mind and emotion, but it is always geared towards reaching a goal the individual wants, such as to “manifest” a personal fortune, get a new car or the lover of their dreams. St. Thomas Aquinas listed four distractions on the way to finding truth: fame, fortune, power and pleasure. That's because they are not goals of real spiritual life. In order to be “free to carry out the will of God and to share in the freedom of the Holy Spirit,” profound renunciation of selfishness is required.
Choice of spiritual practice boils down to one thing: Are you looking for something lasting, enduring and reliable? Or would you rather chase down each quick and easy fad that promises you your version of Heaven on Earth? “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Notice, in this part of the prayer that God's kingdom comes to earth through following God's will, not our own.
Would it be your will to be nailed to a cross? No, and for Jesus, fully human, crucifixion wasn't that appealing either. However, because Jesus is also fully God, he surrendered His human will selflessly to the greater good for all mankind. People forget Jesus united his human will to God's will. People forget that Jesus knew ahead of time he would be crucified. He also did not fight it, although he stayed up all night “sweating blood” as He contemplated the time to come. To me, the death of Jesus proclaims how pain has no power over the disciplined soul. We can still choose to be loving in the midst of it. Inversely, pleasure also has no power over the disciplined soul. A special state of “detachment” occurs with purification of selfish instincts.
Jesus did not promise His disciples new cars (or camels) and exotic vacations and He did not take them for Himself. To do that would only distract from the priceless treasure He offered. Jesus does not promise us we will be happy. He does not promise we will be rich and always healthy. In the “myths,” there is only one who makes such promises to his followers, and that is in exchange for their very souls. Yes, you can join the cult of self-worship. You can pretend Christianity is all about fear. But, deep down, you know it can't be reduced to that.
Christianity is about freedom, but not always about feeling good. If you want to pick and choose beliefs based on what resonates, feels good, and is what you feel drawn to and like, know that you may not like the real truth. Like it or not, it will set you free. Free to know what it feels like to really learn to love as Jesus did. Even learning about Jesus is free. Don't be afraid to explore it.
Showing posts with label christianity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christianity. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Why Join One of the Least Popular Religions in the World
Why join one of the least popular religions in the world? Besides Islam, there is probably no more misunderstood religion in the world today. Catholicism is often viewed as intolerant, when in actuality she stands for compassion more than anything else.
Growing up Baptist, I learned so many myths about Catholicism that I can barely count them. It's a miracle I was open enough to this faith to see what it had to offer me. These are the gifts I have received this year:
(1) Nothing else makes Christianity real for me, so I can experience it with all my senses and feel myself connected to Jesus in a true relationship. The beautiful, timeless visuals, sacred music, Catholic prayer that helps me feel as if I'm seeing and hearing Jesus speak through the Bible and my heart make Him as real to me as death and taxes.
(2) Nothing else has taught me how suffering can be sanctified and how we can work in union with it, rather than against it, so that suffering loses its power. This jewel of awareness is amazing for getting through tough times.
(3) Nothing else has helped me be fully accountable and honest with myself. Beyond genes and environment, there really is free will. With no one there to say, "Don't beat yourself up," or "don't judge yourself. You did the best you could," I can now face judgment without fear, using guilt as a tool to freedom. Hey, it works for me! Before, I was just repressing my conscience with "not judging" and that could never feel authentic for me. All the work I've done through the years to build self-esteem? No longer important. Good thing, because it really didn't work anyway. I'm now aware of how precious I am to God and I want to offer my gifts and talents in service to him. So, I am very happy with me.
(4) Nothing else has anchored Christianity in a greater philosophical, historical and cultural depth. My mind, emotions and soul can all resonate with treasuring the tradition that preserves the early Church. Many protestants do not trust that the Church has preserved this tradition, but I have come over time to believe that they do. Reading the works of the early church fathers of the first century can show you what I'm talking about.
(5) I can see, not only how my own life ran off track, but how humanity as a whole has become lost. I am able to question the social and cultural "wisdom" that makes up our modern world. For example, are we being edgy and revolutionary to assert the precepts of the sexual revolution? Actually, no. Everyone is doing it. Look around. The question is, "Who is examining their beliefs about doing it?"
(6) The Buddhist tradition and Catholic tradition both produce saints. Both are old religions and both stress learning constraint against worldly pleasures and offer a productive approach to suffering. When people throw together a hodge-podge of ideas and claim to be speaking from the "heart of all spiritual traditions," watch out. At best, they are talking about love, although it will be ambiguously defined. At worst, they are offering a superficial understanding of the many religious traditions in order to further their ego or profit based agenda. I go with the tested, tried and true. Catholicism it is!
(7) There is no "safety" in leaving the world of moral relativism. In fact, it is an act of bravery and a surrender of will. The Christian Way of "dying to yourself daily" is not for the faint-hearted. The rewards are in the development of comfort within the deep, inexplicable mystery that is God. When I am accused of "sheep mentality," I wonder if the person talking to me has done a sanity check.
(8) Prior to coming to the Catholic Church, I had learned to view myself as God (new age concept) or I viewed gurus as gods. Unlike what I was taught as a Baptist, there is no idolatry in the Catholic Church. Rather, there is a very deep reverence for the one true God. I learned that Mary and the saints are not worshiped and adored, but venerated. Huge difference. Yes, I can pray to them but only asking their help to deepen my relationship with Christ. It's like having a conversation with a loved one at their grave. Great tool- support network even beyond the grave.
(9) Prior to coming to the Catholic faith, I was taught that my relationship with myself and God is all that matters, so why have a priest? My problem with this was wondering how to tell how much of the conversation really came from God, and how much just echoed opinions or was not truly from Him. In my classes, I learned how wisdom and discernment come from grace, and although grace is a free gift, it is difficult to receive it when you're not open to it due to sin. Learning to identify and release sin through forgiveness clears the channel. A priest helps a lot with that. The release I've felt through going through this process is profound. This is a peace that is deep to the core and unlike anything I felt in any other "spirituality."
(10) I've been able to learn far more about the Bible than I did as a Baptist. Baptist preachers choose what verses or sections of the Bible to preach about, and since some sections are more popular than others, I never heard certain parts of the gospels until I was at mass. Some of what I have heard is really hard stuff. I could hardly believe it was in there and I definitely needed help to grasp it. Every section of the Bible is studied and read in sequence at mass. We have a reading from the old testament, psalms, gospel and new testament at every mass. Every three years, almost the entire Bible has been covered. I never learned so much in my life.
Growing up Baptist, I learned so many myths about Catholicism that I can barely count them. It's a miracle I was open enough to this faith to see what it had to offer me. These are the gifts I have received this year:
(1) Nothing else makes Christianity real for me, so I can experience it with all my senses and feel myself connected to Jesus in a true relationship. The beautiful, timeless visuals, sacred music, Catholic prayer that helps me feel as if I'm seeing and hearing Jesus speak through the Bible and my heart make Him as real to me as death and taxes.
(2) Nothing else has taught me how suffering can be sanctified and how we can work in union with it, rather than against it, so that suffering loses its power. This jewel of awareness is amazing for getting through tough times.
(3) Nothing else has helped me be fully accountable and honest with myself. Beyond genes and environment, there really is free will. With no one there to say, "Don't beat yourself up," or "don't judge yourself. You did the best you could," I can now face judgment without fear, using guilt as a tool to freedom. Hey, it works for me! Before, I was just repressing my conscience with "not judging" and that could never feel authentic for me. All the work I've done through the years to build self-esteem? No longer important. Good thing, because it really didn't work anyway. I'm now aware of how precious I am to God and I want to offer my gifts and talents in service to him. So, I am very happy with me.
(4) Nothing else has anchored Christianity in a greater philosophical, historical and cultural depth. My mind, emotions and soul can all resonate with treasuring the tradition that preserves the early Church. Many protestants do not trust that the Church has preserved this tradition, but I have come over time to believe that they do. Reading the works of the early church fathers of the first century can show you what I'm talking about.
(5) I can see, not only how my own life ran off track, but how humanity as a whole has become lost. I am able to question the social and cultural "wisdom" that makes up our modern world. For example, are we being edgy and revolutionary to assert the precepts of the sexual revolution? Actually, no. Everyone is doing it. Look around. The question is, "Who is examining their beliefs about doing it?"
(6) The Buddhist tradition and Catholic tradition both produce saints. Both are old religions and both stress learning constraint against worldly pleasures and offer a productive approach to suffering. When people throw together a hodge-podge of ideas and claim to be speaking from the "heart of all spiritual traditions," watch out. At best, they are talking about love, although it will be ambiguously defined. At worst, they are offering a superficial understanding of the many religious traditions in order to further their ego or profit based agenda. I go with the tested, tried and true. Catholicism it is!
(7) There is no "safety" in leaving the world of moral relativism. In fact, it is an act of bravery and a surrender of will. The Christian Way of "dying to yourself daily" is not for the faint-hearted. The rewards are in the development of comfort within the deep, inexplicable mystery that is God. When I am accused of "sheep mentality," I wonder if the person talking to me has done a sanity check.
(8) Prior to coming to the Catholic Church, I had learned to view myself as God (new age concept) or I viewed gurus as gods. Unlike what I was taught as a Baptist, there is no idolatry in the Catholic Church. Rather, there is a very deep reverence for the one true God. I learned that Mary and the saints are not worshiped and adored, but venerated. Huge difference. Yes, I can pray to them but only asking their help to deepen my relationship with Christ. It's like having a conversation with a loved one at their grave. Great tool- support network even beyond the grave.
(9) Prior to coming to the Catholic faith, I was taught that my relationship with myself and God is all that matters, so why have a priest? My problem with this was wondering how to tell how much of the conversation really came from God, and how much just echoed opinions or was not truly from Him. In my classes, I learned how wisdom and discernment come from grace, and although grace is a free gift, it is difficult to receive it when you're not open to it due to sin. Learning to identify and release sin through forgiveness clears the channel. A priest helps a lot with that. The release I've felt through going through this process is profound. This is a peace that is deep to the core and unlike anything I felt in any other "spirituality."
(10) I've been able to learn far more about the Bible than I did as a Baptist. Baptist preachers choose what verses or sections of the Bible to preach about, and since some sections are more popular than others, I never heard certain parts of the gospels until I was at mass. Some of what I have heard is really hard stuff. I could hardly believe it was in there and I definitely needed help to grasp it. Every section of the Bible is studied and read in sequence at mass. We have a reading from the old testament, psalms, gospel and new testament at every mass. Every three years, almost the entire Bible has been covered. I never learned so much in my life.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Does religion have any purpose?
How easily I wrote off religion! Everyone knows it only gave guilt, fear, suffering and "sheep mentality" to the world. Who in their right mind would be drawn to it?
Me. When all else failed. I found out when you plug in those "negative emotions" where they fit, only then can the experience of humanity be made sacred. Where do these negative emotions fit? Generally, they go where and when things aren't good for me.
Along with lots of people, I thought sex was the answer to all my problems. After all, I had been taught in psychology and even from a few therapists I had, that sexual repression made people neurotic. Although repression could cause far more problems than sublimation, I had too many empty experiences trying to work all that out.
I wonder how it is that the rate of mental illness has mushroomed (along with the divorce rate) since the great "sexual revolution". People want their own freedom first, at all costs, regardless of how others are affected. Many of these people will quip that they aren't responsible for how others feel. Others will quip that their true freedom comes through sharing their love with others. Does that extend to difficult times of suffering or will the other person be dismissed since you believe suffering isn't healthy?
I've been where they are. I've defended a lot of selfish decisions. I had felt trapped in my life and I wanted to be free. I did just that. I became much more confident and successful in my life. When my idea of "success" collapsed, it was hard to find meaning. I kept being told that I could gain "personal power" and become all I ever wanted by believing in my "divine nature."
Had I not felt desperate, I wouldn't have stayed with this thinking as long as I did. Deep down, I remembered the story of the Garden of Eden and how the serpent told our original parents they would "be as gods". Deep down, I knew that making myself my own god was a type of idolatry. When I wasn't trying to become as God, I was idolizing gurus. Finally, I collapsed with guilt from it all.
My gurus would have cautioned me not to judge myself and to stop being a victim, through guilt, but if I had done that, I would have denied myself the greatest realization of my life.
After a five year period of re-examining these things, it became apparent to me that I had a desire to explore what Jesus had to offer. I learned more about contemplative prayer, lectio divina, and a Jesuit technique of visualizing yourself in the life of Jesus. I started reading scripture and saw how superficial my understanding had been before.
I had thought I could draw from the universal root of all religions, love, but I didn't have the best example available of how to live that love. Christianity began to make love concrete and real- not an airy bliss but a solid foundation for my life. All other attempts at such "foundations" had failed. I used to believe my spiritual teachers could act as clear or clearer mirrors for me, but Jesus is the clearest mirror there is. He's the only one safe to be trusted.
Everything he did in life was to give to me and you. He didn't help us for material profit. He taught us how to sanctify suffering, not to avoid it. Yes, even suffering can be sacred. Through this, I've learned more meaningful ways to view emotions I once avoided.
Seeking God can take many faces and phases. I don't believe if you don't agree with me you're going to hell. I only wanted to share my story.
Me. When all else failed. I found out when you plug in those "negative emotions" where they fit, only then can the experience of humanity be made sacred. Where do these negative emotions fit? Generally, they go where and when things aren't good for me.
Along with lots of people, I thought sex was the answer to all my problems. After all, I had been taught in psychology and even from a few therapists I had, that sexual repression made people neurotic. Although repression could cause far more problems than sublimation, I had too many empty experiences trying to work all that out.
I wonder how it is that the rate of mental illness has mushroomed (along with the divorce rate) since the great "sexual revolution". People want their own freedom first, at all costs, regardless of how others are affected. Many of these people will quip that they aren't responsible for how others feel. Others will quip that their true freedom comes through sharing their love with others. Does that extend to difficult times of suffering or will the other person be dismissed since you believe suffering isn't healthy?
I've been where they are. I've defended a lot of selfish decisions. I had felt trapped in my life and I wanted to be free. I did just that. I became much more confident and successful in my life. When my idea of "success" collapsed, it was hard to find meaning. I kept being told that I could gain "personal power" and become all I ever wanted by believing in my "divine nature."
Had I not felt desperate, I wouldn't have stayed with this thinking as long as I did. Deep down, I remembered the story of the Garden of Eden and how the serpent told our original parents they would "be as gods". Deep down, I knew that making myself my own god was a type of idolatry. When I wasn't trying to become as God, I was idolizing gurus. Finally, I collapsed with guilt from it all.
My gurus would have cautioned me not to judge myself and to stop being a victim, through guilt, but if I had done that, I would have denied myself the greatest realization of my life.
After a five year period of re-examining these things, it became apparent to me that I had a desire to explore what Jesus had to offer. I learned more about contemplative prayer, lectio divina, and a Jesuit technique of visualizing yourself in the life of Jesus. I started reading scripture and saw how superficial my understanding had been before.
I had thought I could draw from the universal root of all religions, love, but I didn't have the best example available of how to live that love. Christianity began to make love concrete and real- not an airy bliss but a solid foundation for my life. All other attempts at such "foundations" had failed. I used to believe my spiritual teachers could act as clear or clearer mirrors for me, but Jesus is the clearest mirror there is. He's the only one safe to be trusted.
Everything he did in life was to give to me and you. He didn't help us for material profit. He taught us how to sanctify suffering, not to avoid it. Yes, even suffering can be sacred. Through this, I've learned more meaningful ways to view emotions I once avoided.
Seeking God can take many faces and phases. I don't believe if you don't agree with me you're going to hell. I only wanted to share my story.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Healing Through Grace
Matthew Fox has a major bone to pick with the Catholic Church. I have a major bone to pick with the New Age Movement he represents. Both of us are wrong. However, we are both human beings who hurt, have anger and who have a hard time letting go. Resentment feels like a rigid, ball-like mass in my stomach that pulls my energy strongly to it and seems to want to hold me eternally there. This mass in my stomach does not seem to desire God. All it seems to be able to say is, “I hurt. I hurt, and I'm pissed off, too. Listen to me and the many ways I can justify it.”
How can I pay attention to this pain without this ball controlling me? How can I move beyond this ball to desire God? It's louder right now than the “still, small voice” of God. As it's sapping my energy and demanding all my attention, it seems to say, “Come here, now! And don't bring your love with you!” I am baffled by how to approach it. I feel frustrated, not realizing the ball is trapping me when I'm caught unaware! I don't know what to do with this ball. I don't want to ignore it or push it away. As I contemplate, I'm already in it, mentally wondering, doubting, like a mother who just doesn't know what to do with her infant.
I back up in my awareness and see the mother perplexed with what to do with the baby. Damn it! My desires are trapped. My intention is to long for is purity of heart, yet I cannot even feel or reach the place of longing. Damn it! My desires are trapped. I have no clarity or peace.
I just finished reading a Christian Meditation: Experiencing the Presence of God by James Finley. This book was a soul-opener. The problem for me is that the last time my soul opened, I felt the sense of critical trauma. A former monk and present psychologist specializing in trauma, Finley writes about the soul's journey up a mountain to be with God, because he wants to rise above worldly things. But, on the way up, he hears a baby crying in the valley below. He returns to the village, abandoning his climb. In his union with this crying child, which represents the traumatized child in himself, he suddenly finds himself at the top of the mountain with God.
As I walk down from the mountain, anxiety grips me. Fear of “not loving right” paralyzes me. What does this confusing baby want? Does it long to be with me? I'm afraid it will trap me and swallow me whole. Why do I feel it isn't really a baby, but a demon? It's a mystery I don't understand. Why do I feel it wants to suck out my very soul?
Imagine the babe as stuck in a well. He fears the rescuer is as evil as the one who put him in the well, so he will not come out. It's the old “devil you know vs. the devil you don't.” The rescuer, too, is afraid of the child. Does it somehow have the power to pull him in with him as well? So, we have a standstill. Neither trusts the other. It doesn't matter how hard or how long we focus on love or compassion, the divide will not be resolved through the power of our will.
Both sides of the psyche must take a risk to become whole. It's not whether we desire to save or to be saved, it is salvation which we do not know. We don't know how to offer or accept it. We cannot bridge this impasse on our own. So, my understanding of this part of the message of Jesus is, “I'm giving my life for you. I believe you can trust that. It's obvious I am no threat.” The only solution to the dilemma of inner trust is to be receptive to grace. Grace is freely given. It cannot be earned through belief or non-belief. Receptive or no, grace shines through. But, if we are not receptive, we may not even recognize it. To be receptive to grace is to take a step into the unknown.
Matthew Fox is the author of The Coming of the Cosmic Christ. I will admit I have not read his work in depth. I have not desired to after reading the many articles posted on his website. Reading these has led me to lose interest in Matthew Fox's teachings. While that does not mean that he is wrong, I'd like to share about what I think is missing from them in the articles by him that I have read. I fear that his work, like a lot of New Age teachings, is devoid of the intention to develop purity of heart. Matthew Fox lauds the teaching of Ernest Holmes, author of the Science of Mind used in Religious Science churches. In these churches, an emphasis is placed on fulfilling the heart's desire for wealth, prosperity, and whatever else is believed by the petitioner to be a God-given right. From my viewpoint, not only are material things secondary to the desire for God, but to build these things in life takes patience. Patience is suffering. Hence, the word patient means, “he who suffers.” It's not about wanting what we want and now.
I want my heart to be pure with intent only for God. I don't even believe God can be reduced to the word, “love” because that word is so emotionally laden with egoic desires that the meaning of God's love is diluted. When love becomes whatever we want it to be, happiness becomes good and suffering becomes bad and should be avoided, which seems to reflect the attitude of many New Agers. Matthew Fox even says that focus upon Christ's death and suffering is a part of a “fascist piety of pain.” He goes on to poke fun of the Catholic practice of the Stations of the Cross, gazing at crucifixes and other such things. Matthew Fox has brought the teachings of great saints and mystics to the public. However, these very same saints were often ascetic and contemplated suffering. So, I wonder if he may be taking them out of context. The child and rescuer in my story were suffering. Will they not suffer anymore through the power of grace? Or will they continue to suffer until they learn, through grace, what they are meant to learn, before the suffering subsides?
Is suffering not a part of life that we are called to embrace? How can I find union with God if my desire is to avoid suffering? Did Christ avoid it? Did Christ not embrace it? Did Jesus desire his death on the cross? When we examine and weed out thought which causes suffering and is therefore bad to us, who is doing this sorting out? Is it suffering which we need to avoid or impure desire? Which is the greater obstacle to fulfillment?
Fox ties Buddhism and other religions in with his teaching. My understanding of both Buddhism and Christianity is that neither focus on the accumulation of wealth and prosperity. Neither Christianity nor Buddhism puts selfish desire above the desire to serve others. Neither Buddhism nor Christianity teaches the avoidance of suffering as the path to peace, yet New Age teachers will say that their work stems from the “heart of all religious traditions.” That is why the New Age heart no longer reflects my heart.
I have a deficit of understanding as to why Matthew Fox is so venomous in his attacks of the Catholic Church. He had a difference of opinion with them and was asked to move on. That difference was over “original sin,” which he claims does not exist. If a Catholic priest wanted to teach original sin at his “University of the Creation Spirituality” would Fox allow him to teach the opposite point of view? Probably not, because it just wouldn't fit. So, Fox didn't fit anymore. But why then should the Church change to his point of view?
Since they have not agreed to change their point of view, Fox writes angry and venomous things which “make them wrong.”He even posted “95 Theses” against the Catholic Church in the same place where Martin Luther once did. They didn't change for Martin Luther and they aren't going to change for him. Despite their many major foibles through the centuries, they are going to continue their pursuit for purity of heart regardless of what Fox has to say.
But, I cannot judge Matthew Fox. My heart is full of anger too. I feel misled by teachings such as his, that I feel took me far away from God instead of towards Him. Likewise, Fox feels the Church tried to stifle his free thought and creativity. Which of us are the most wounded? Does it really matter? We are both left with the task of inner reconciliation. How we heal is between us and God.
Recent Articles by Matthew Fox
The Contemplative Way website of James Finley
How can I pay attention to this pain without this ball controlling me? How can I move beyond this ball to desire God? It's louder right now than the “still, small voice” of God. As it's sapping my energy and demanding all my attention, it seems to say, “Come here, now! And don't bring your love with you!” I am baffled by how to approach it. I feel frustrated, not realizing the ball is trapping me when I'm caught unaware! I don't know what to do with this ball. I don't want to ignore it or push it away. As I contemplate, I'm already in it, mentally wondering, doubting, like a mother who just doesn't know what to do with her infant.
I back up in my awareness and see the mother perplexed with what to do with the baby. Damn it! My desires are trapped. My intention is to long for is purity of heart, yet I cannot even feel or reach the place of longing. Damn it! My desires are trapped. I have no clarity or peace.
I just finished reading a Christian Meditation: Experiencing the Presence of God by James Finley. This book was a soul-opener. The problem for me is that the last time my soul opened, I felt the sense of critical trauma. A former monk and present psychologist specializing in trauma, Finley writes about the soul's journey up a mountain to be with God, because he wants to rise above worldly things. But, on the way up, he hears a baby crying in the valley below. He returns to the village, abandoning his climb. In his union with this crying child, which represents the traumatized child in himself, he suddenly finds himself at the top of the mountain with God.
As I walk down from the mountain, anxiety grips me. Fear of “not loving right” paralyzes me. What does this confusing baby want? Does it long to be with me? I'm afraid it will trap me and swallow me whole. Why do I feel it isn't really a baby, but a demon? It's a mystery I don't understand. Why do I feel it wants to suck out my very soul?
Imagine the babe as stuck in a well. He fears the rescuer is as evil as the one who put him in the well, so he will not come out. It's the old “devil you know vs. the devil you don't.” The rescuer, too, is afraid of the child. Does it somehow have the power to pull him in with him as well? So, we have a standstill. Neither trusts the other. It doesn't matter how hard or how long we focus on love or compassion, the divide will not be resolved through the power of our will.
Both sides of the psyche must take a risk to become whole. It's not whether we desire to save or to be saved, it is salvation which we do not know. We don't know how to offer or accept it. We cannot bridge this impasse on our own. So, my understanding of this part of the message of Jesus is, “I'm giving my life for you. I believe you can trust that. It's obvious I am no threat.” The only solution to the dilemma of inner trust is to be receptive to grace. Grace is freely given. It cannot be earned through belief or non-belief. Receptive or no, grace shines through. But, if we are not receptive, we may not even recognize it. To be receptive to grace is to take a step into the unknown.
Matthew Fox is the author of The Coming of the Cosmic Christ. I will admit I have not read his work in depth. I have not desired to after reading the many articles posted on his website. Reading these has led me to lose interest in Matthew Fox's teachings. While that does not mean that he is wrong, I'd like to share about what I think is missing from them in the articles by him that I have read. I fear that his work, like a lot of New Age teachings, is devoid of the intention to develop purity of heart. Matthew Fox lauds the teaching of Ernest Holmes, author of the Science of Mind used in Religious Science churches. In these churches, an emphasis is placed on fulfilling the heart's desire for wealth, prosperity, and whatever else is believed by the petitioner to be a God-given right. From my viewpoint, not only are material things secondary to the desire for God, but to build these things in life takes patience. Patience is suffering. Hence, the word patient means, “he who suffers.” It's not about wanting what we want and now.
I want my heart to be pure with intent only for God. I don't even believe God can be reduced to the word, “love” because that word is so emotionally laden with egoic desires that the meaning of God's love is diluted. When love becomes whatever we want it to be, happiness becomes good and suffering becomes bad and should be avoided, which seems to reflect the attitude of many New Agers. Matthew Fox even says that focus upon Christ's death and suffering is a part of a “fascist piety of pain.” He goes on to poke fun of the Catholic practice of the Stations of the Cross, gazing at crucifixes and other such things. Matthew Fox has brought the teachings of great saints and mystics to the public. However, these very same saints were often ascetic and contemplated suffering. So, I wonder if he may be taking them out of context. The child and rescuer in my story were suffering. Will they not suffer anymore through the power of grace? Or will they continue to suffer until they learn, through grace, what they are meant to learn, before the suffering subsides?
Is suffering not a part of life that we are called to embrace? How can I find union with God if my desire is to avoid suffering? Did Christ avoid it? Did Christ not embrace it? Did Jesus desire his death on the cross? When we examine and weed out thought which causes suffering and is therefore bad to us, who is doing this sorting out? Is it suffering which we need to avoid or impure desire? Which is the greater obstacle to fulfillment?
Fox ties Buddhism and other religions in with his teaching. My understanding of both Buddhism and Christianity is that neither focus on the accumulation of wealth and prosperity. Neither Christianity nor Buddhism puts selfish desire above the desire to serve others. Neither Buddhism nor Christianity teaches the avoidance of suffering as the path to peace, yet New Age teachers will say that their work stems from the “heart of all religious traditions.” That is why the New Age heart no longer reflects my heart.
I have a deficit of understanding as to why Matthew Fox is so venomous in his attacks of the Catholic Church. He had a difference of opinion with them and was asked to move on. That difference was over “original sin,” which he claims does not exist. If a Catholic priest wanted to teach original sin at his “University of the Creation Spirituality” would Fox allow him to teach the opposite point of view? Probably not, because it just wouldn't fit. So, Fox didn't fit anymore. But why then should the Church change to his point of view?
Since they have not agreed to change their point of view, Fox writes angry and venomous things which “make them wrong.”He even posted “95 Theses” against the Catholic Church in the same place where Martin Luther once did. They didn't change for Martin Luther and they aren't going to change for him. Despite their many major foibles through the centuries, they are going to continue their pursuit for purity of heart regardless of what Fox has to say.
But, I cannot judge Matthew Fox. My heart is full of anger too. I feel misled by teachings such as his, that I feel took me far away from God instead of towards Him. Likewise, Fox feels the Church tried to stifle his free thought and creativity. Which of us are the most wounded? Does it really matter? We are both left with the task of inner reconciliation. How we heal is between us and God.
Recent Articles by Matthew Fox
The Contemplative Way website of James Finley
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