Tuesday, September 4, 2012

If I were the Princess of Darkness, Here is how I would destroy the world

Behold my evil plan.

  1. I will confuse everyone as much as possible. Make it absolutely wrong to call anything wrong. That way, all the people will do evil all day and not see anything wrong with it. Convince everyone that “right” and “wrong” are all based on opinions, unless you're breaking the law.
  2. I will convince the world that listening to their conscience is the worst thing they can ever do, because the conscience is nothing but programming designed to screw them out of pleasure in life and a smart person wants to feel good and not suffer.
  3. Are fear, guilt, shame and suffering The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Oh, no, not MY apocalypse. I will lull the world to sleep with happy melodies and sweet comforts. That way, they are putty in my hands. Don't think, sweet children. Don't ever feel bad. Feel good at all costs. It will cost you plenty, but it's worth it. Only help others if it makes you feel good yourself.
  4. Jesus told Peter, “Get behind me, Satan,” when Peter expressed that he wanted to save Jesus from suffering. I say, Peter should have been assertive and said, “No, Jesus, I cannot let you be a masochist. Your sacrifice is needless, since human beings have never done anything wrong.”
  5. Repeat after me, my sweet children, “You have never done anything wrong. You can never do anything wrong. Just don't tell anyone they are wrong, and all will be well.”
  6. Do exactly what I say and you will not be responsible for any of your actions. So, you will be absolutely fine if there is some sort of cosmic “judgment,” which of course, we know will never happen, since God never judges anyone. Three things make you who you are: genes, your environment and my amazing guidance which will end all suffering in your life and make you rich, famous and successful.
  7. Has everyone learned their lessons for today? Don't worry if you didn't understand it all. I will disseminate my teachings throughout international media, through television, film, magazines, popular books and the internet. You'll be bombarded thousands of times a day with opportunities to embrace the truth.
  8. By the way, I really won't destroy the world. I will only destroy the things that make your world an unhappy place. People who don't agree with you. People who offend you.
  9. Now, let yourself relax into sweet surrender.. to Yourself. Go ahead, everyone, become God in yourself. Feels good, huh?
  10. If none of the above steps lead to my success, I will have a sex change operation to become the Prince of Evil, and try it all over again.

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