tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45245252685662861632024-03-05T13:53:12.851-08:00The Passionate ParadoxI'm a convert to Catholicism who has a high functioning autism spectrum disorder. In this blog, I write about diverse topics, such as separating the truth from the lies, new evangelization, living well with autism and growing closer in relation to Christ. I especially share experiences with contemplative prayer and thoughts about works of mystical Christianity.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-45083992814708938652012-10-23T19:14:00.001-07:002012-10-23T19:14:42.352-07:00Blog has movedThis blog has moved. The new blog is <a href="http://carmelheart.blogspot.com/2012/10/welcome-to-my-new-blog-carmel-heart.html">Carmel Heart</a><br />
<br />
Thanks for visiting. This will be my last post on this blog. Join me on the new one!<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-25490097946132741242012-09-05T21:29:00.002-07:002012-09-05T22:38:27.138-07:00Life Inside a Flower<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp2Xli99Kmohyb3gYDDIgPtds8iwQjYpuw8bEhLyz9gQZouczciALWoLpUu2MZCwl0M8qzQzDnNaB1PdrluBHbDfPsVMcAd9jHEXunZO-3BBs77UZ9AzJKOuVSEc9j51IyIt6Xn7EKkWo/s1600/yellowrose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp2Xli99Kmohyb3gYDDIgPtds8iwQjYpuw8bEhLyz9gQZouczciALWoLpUu2MZCwl0M8qzQzDnNaB1PdrluBHbDfPsVMcAd9jHEXunZO-3BBs77UZ9AzJKOuVSEc9j51IyIt6Xn7EKkWo/s320/yellowrose.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #073763;">I had the coolest experience today. The image came to me of being inside a rose that had not yet bloomed. I was hiding away in a secure, dark place, like being in a womb. Slowly, the bud started to open, and I could make out a little bit of the sun and sky. Gradually, more and more, I watched the petals open wider and wider, letting in more and more light. "This is me and God," I thought. Little by little, I learn how to open my heart. Then, I'm able to take in more and more of the magnificence of who He is. What's happening to me as I marvel at His presence? I'm a flower that's blooming, giving glory to Him. Little by little, learning how to open up to receive who He is, I'm becoming a gift in return. What could bring more joy to my heart? </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-54223513612296080702012-09-04T19:54:00.001-07:002012-09-05T22:41:37.680-07:00If I were the Princess of Darkness, Here is how I would destroy the world<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5vqNyIvBXuu6GrawbxfKa4fGpaWO02elLggs0nMaAtU7PBEOJoVLYZSPJUy3pix88-MZ-RZvx0A25Rz2HZsR8r7dHFEpGUuC2L0S9NU5p_pd6Q2FJj6BKNkx0EnP3Om3q00nne5ykw74/s1600/evilprincess.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5vqNyIvBXuu6GrawbxfKa4fGpaWO02elLggs0nMaAtU7PBEOJoVLYZSPJUy3pix88-MZ-RZvx0A25Rz2HZsR8r7dHFEpGUuC2L0S9NU5p_pd6Q2FJj6BKNkx0EnP3Om3q00nne5ykw74/s1600/evilprincess.jpg" /></a></div>
<h4 style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-weight: normal;">Behold my evil plan<b>.</b></span></b></h4>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I will confuse everyone as much as
possible. Make it absolutely wrong to call anything wrong. That way,
all the people will do evil all day and not see anything wrong with
it. Convince everyone that “right” and “wrong” are all based
on opinions, unless you're breaking the law.
</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I will convince the world that
listening to their conscience is the worst thing they can ever do,
because the conscience is nothing but programming designed to screw
them out of pleasure in life and a smart person wants to feel good
and not suffer.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Are fear, guilt, shame and
suffering The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Oh, no, not MY
apocalypse. I will lull the world to sleep with happy melodies and
sweet comforts. That way, they are putty in my hands. Don't think,
sweet children. Don't ever feel bad. Feel good at all costs. It will
cost you plenty, but it's worth it. Only help others if it makes you
feel good yourself.
</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Jesus told Peter, “Get behind
me, Satan,” when Peter expressed that he wanted to save Jesus from
suffering. I say, Peter should have been assertive and said, “No,
Jesus, I cannot let you be a masochist. Your sacrifice is needless,
since human beings have never done anything wrong.”</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Repeat after me, my sweet
children, “You have never done anything wrong. You can never do
anything wrong. Just don't tell anyone they are wrong, and all will
be well.”</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Do exactly what I say and you will
not be responsible for any of your actions. So, you will be
absolutely fine if there is some sort of cosmic “judgment,”
which of course, we know will never happen, since God never judges
anyone. Three things make you who you are: genes, your environment
and my amazing guidance which will end all suffering in your life
and make you rich, famous and successful.
</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Has everyone learned their lessons
for today? Don't worry if you didn't understand it all. I will
disseminate my teachings throughout international media, through
television, film, magazines, popular books and the internet. You'll
be bombarded thousands of times a day with opportunities to embrace
the truth.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
By the way, I really won't destroy
the world. I will only destroy the things that make your world an
unhappy place. People who don't agree with you. People who offend
you.
</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Now, let yourself relax into sweet
surrender.. to Yourself. Go ahead, everyone, become God in yourself.
Feels good, huh?
</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
If none of the above steps lead to
my success, I will have a sex change operation to become the Prince
of Evil, and try it all over again.</div>
</li>
</ol>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-384672582368134642012-08-09T17:20:00.000-07:002012-09-05T22:45:08.204-07:00Where are all the women philosophers?<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When I was just a little girl, my
father and I would discuss religion and philosophy a lot. It was my
favorite thing to do with him. I was so happy when he had a free
minute to delve into the secrets of the universe. One particular
summer afternoon, my father became unusually excited with something I
said. He went and grabbed a compilation of the works of various
philosophers. He showed me the table of contents. He said, “Do you
see this? Do you know what all these philosophers have in common?
They're all men. There is no major, well known female philosopher of
the same caliber as these. You can be the first one.” </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Of course, this is a moment I could
not possibly have forgotten. My father's love, how much he believed
in me, even his admiration of my childish attempts to articulate
difficult things, all of this has affected me to the core. Because of
his encouragement, I've continually been an avid writer who loves to
write about the meaning of God and life. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Today, during mass, a flash of
realization came to me. The reason for the “lack” of women
philosophers is because they are mostly Catholic saints. Authors with
a primarily Catholic focus are often avoided like the plague by
protestant readers. I have never known a protestant who would be
“caught dead” reading the writings of a pope, although so many of
them have doctorates in philosophy as well as theology and many are
philosophical geniuses. I have a 700 page copy of “The Theology of
the Body” by Blessed Pope Paul II at home to attest to that. I read
it sometimes to refresh my mind of concepts long forgotten and not
well understood. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Regardless of what I have come to
consider bias, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Catherine of Sienna, and St.
Hildegard of Bingen (my father's current favorite) are all
theological and philosophical geniuses. They have earned the title
“Doctor of the Church.” Those who bemoan the “sad fate of
women” who are unable to become priests in the Catholic tradition
may not have considered the tens of thousands of priests for the past
2000 years of church history who did NOT earn the title of “Doctor
of the Church.” </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Certainly, this is an example of the
equal value the Church gives to the sexes. The Church is female by
her very nature. Therefore, having males as protectors and spouses to
her makes sense. In today's world, sexes (now almost exclusively
called genders) are becoming more and more blurred every day. Many
people think this is a wonderful thing and there are lots of churches
in the world that they may want to be a part of, but the Catholic
Church does seek to preserve the original “man and woman created He
them” condition of the humans he originally created. I love the
sense of preserving an increasingly lost integrity of the concept of
men and women.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am proud to be a female and a
philosopher in the sense of a “lover of knowledge.” I was
inspired to write about this topic because this is the saint day of
St. Teresa Benedicta (also known as Edith Stein), whose great heart
in providing comfort and spiritual help for many starving to death in
concentration camps is better known than her amazing philosophical
mind. Today's homily reminded me of my father's words to me, back
when I was a wide-eyed child in elementary school. Of course, I doubt
I will become a “great” woman philosopher, but I will never stop
seeking to know and live the truth. And I am proud to be a member of
a Church that values what I most love to do above all else.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-31039539977942409482012-08-05T15:34:00.000-07:002012-09-05T22:48:54.486-07:00Mother and Baby: Who Cares Anymore?<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When I was a little girl, I wanted more
than anything to grow up to be a mother. I had a baby doll I pushed
in a carriage. I dreamed about having a house full of kids. I think I
was about eight years old when I told my mother, “When I grow up, I
want to have a baby.” My mother said, “No, honey, you don't want
that. You want a PhD. Your PhD is your baby. A PhD is far more
rewarding.”
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I stared at her, confused. So, thinking
through this logic in my mind, her PhD was more important to her than
me. Of course it was. That's why she spent all her time studying for
it and ignoring me. On the positive side, my mother wanted me to grow
up to be an intellectual achiever. On the negative side, she had no
idea how those words would impact my belief that I was not wanted or
valued by her. I'm glad she did give birth to me, though.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I was raised by two pro-life democrats.
Yes, they do exist, in greater numbers than either Republicans or
Democrats think. The value of unborn life was a value I always took
for granted and never really thought about much. The first time I
really thought about it, I was sixteen and a friend of mine, whom
I'll call Betsy, thought she was pregnant. We went to a crisis
pregnancy center (CPC) so she would get a free test. While the worker
there was reading the test, we were shown a video on the miracle of
life. I was transfixed, amazed at the wonder of how human life grows.
Betsy groaned. “I can't believe we came here,” she said, “These
people are trying to get me to believe that a fetus is a human and
take away my right to do what I want with my body. Let's get out of
here.”
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
We left quickly after finding out her
test was negative. I asked Betsy more questions. She told me to read
books by feminists like Gloria Steinem. I read that and more and
found out a lot about Betsy's point of view. I wondered if she could
be right. Because I was from a liberal democrat family, so were
almost all my friends, and all of them but me were pro-choice. As I
grew up more and more of my friends were having abortions. Two in
particular had five and six abortions each. Having an abortion was
nothing to them, but just having “a bunch of cells” removed. No
concern seemed to cross their minds at all. At some point of time, I
believed the “cell story” too.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm very lucky I did not get pregnant
in my teen years or twenties. I didn't need a man. I was a free and
independent woman. Nobody should tell me what to do. Marriage? That's
a piece of paper.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I lived in a heavily abortion-minded
climate. I would tell my friends, “I can't have an abortion myself,
because I'm not sure when the soul enters the body. If I'm not sure,
how can I take even a little risk of murder?” Yet because I wanted
people to like me, I would also say, “Since we don't know, I guess
you're free to take the risk if you want.” Of course, I never
judged anyone for having an abortion. I still don't think a woman who
has gone through with it is someone to be condemned. Most women
choose abortion in a state of panic and often under pressure by
family. More than half of abortions are due to the fear of not having
financial resources to care for the child.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Add to that how little most women know
about fetal development. I really believed that for the first two
months, all that's in the uterus is a clump of undifferentiated
cells. People told me if I went to a crisis pregnancy center, people
would lie and try to show me that a baby was in there. I didn't
realize I could just pick up a biology textbook and see that at only
three weeks after implantation, there's a heart in there that begins to beat. By eight
weeks, every organ in the body is there in the uterus. No, you won't
hear that at Planned Parenthood, because they don't want to disturb
you. But, they will tell you CPC's lie when the materials they are
teaching from are either written by medical doctors or come straight
out of biology text books.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I got pregnant for the first time when
I was 36. I was not married and my boyfriend had just thrown me out
and changed all the locks on the doors. He thought I was lying when I
said I was pregnant. I stayed with a friend who watched me take three
pregnancy tests and she took all three of them to my boyfriend. He
said, “So what?”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I really wanted that baby. I wanted the
baby so much I cried when I was pregnant. A child was all I ever
wanted. I remembered my parents said they both cried when they found
out my mom was pregnant, but they had really good stable jobs and
owned a house. What did I have? Absolutely nothing to offer this
baby. Yet, I wanted it more than anything in the world.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I left California to stay with my dad
in Georgia. Yet, on the way to Georgia, passing through Louisiana, I
started bleeding heavily. I went to an emergency room and took
another pregnancy test. No more baby. I could die. When I got to
Georgia, I saw what I'd lost. A job, relationship and home in
California. A future baby. And with the loss of contact with a new
age group, I realized it was a very convincing sham of spirituality.
My disillusion was pretty total, my depression pretty deep.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I tried to rebuild my life so I could
have a home and family, yet everything I tried to do failed. In 2009,
I moved to Eugene, Oregon to try to start over, age forty. My life
seemed to lose more meaning every day. When I re-discovered God and a
church family, I was prostate by the weight of a life not lived as I
had ever wanted. I came back to the solace and strength I had gone to
in my young teen years, the Catholic Church.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
To make a long blog shorter, my life is
rich in meaning and purpose today. I am deeply happy. I volunteer in
a Crisis Pregnancy Center now, and yes, I do want to save babies. I
also want to help make life easier for mothers, so they won't feel
the overwhelming need to abort. Sometimes, I still get weepy when I
put together layettes with all the cute little baby clothes, because
I wish they could be for a baby of my own, but I'm so glad to be
doing something for any baby, especially a baby that might not have
ever been.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don't see our culture valuing
motherhood very much anymore. I don't see it much looking at the
lives of celebrities or in movies or television shows. My own mother
didn't value it much. My inborn desire to be a mother was stifled
quite a lot. Yet, I will be forty-four in about five months, and the
one thing I wish I'd been able to do was to marry and create a stable
home for a child.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Most people know that the Catholic
Church makes saving the lives of the unborn a very high priority.
It's easy to see from whence that sentiment stems. How can anyone
look at paintings or sculptures of Mary with baby Jesus and not
contemplate her safe, sacred womb and the violence of invading that
sanctuary with a blade?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When I hear woman say it's not a
decision to be taken lightly, I wonder, why? If there's any chance in
their mind it might be murder, where is the decision in that? I know,
I know, there are atheists in this country who don't believe in a
soul. Why should they care about when or if a baby is aborted? I also
know I've said every word I just said to women who have said, “So
what. It's my body!”
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I used to ask women why it is that when
you are two months pregnant and you want to be, you say, “My baby
is growing,” but if you are two months pregnant and don't want to
be, you say “The fetus needs to come out,” just as if it were an
appendix. Women used to look at me, stumped. But recently, I read an
article by a woman bragging about this very thing, about how free she
was that she could call the contents of her uterus anything she
wants, baby, fetus, whatever. I shook my head. No hope, I thought. No
one will ever listen.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The war over abortion is ugly. I have
become the enemy in many people's minds. I have crossed demarcation
lines and have become a traitor. Some will not even post on my
Facebook page or read my posts. Perhaps I think they're evil villains
for what they've done in the past. Of course I don't. Abortion is
murder, but none of the women I've know who had abortions
consciously intended to commit murder. Most of them were badly
deceived. Abby Johnson, an ex-Planned Parenthood director who is now
pro-life, says that overwhelmingly, the most common question women
ask on their way to the surgery room, while they are groggy from
medications, is, “Will my baby feel pain?”
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Deep down, perhaps they know the truth.
Deeper down, perhaps it's way to painful to face.<br />
<br />
Source:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/prenatal-care/PR00112/">http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/prenatal-care/PR00112/</a><br />
<br />
(Note: Their week numbering is based on the whole cycle of pregnancy and the first two weeks are called "getting ready." So, week three of implantation is their week six.)</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-45959380598224032952012-07-07T15:55:00.001-07:002012-09-10T10:28:08.797-07:00Learning the The Way Autistics Process Religious Beliefs<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
A study
released last September showed that individuals with HFA (High
Functioning Autism, including Asperger's Syndrome type) are more
prone to be atheists. This study, from Boston University, sought to
measure religious belief systems most prevalent in our population.
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
One of
the correlations predicted from the literature (that was later
confirmed in the study) was that because people with autism are
primarily concrete and literal thinkers, problems arise with
understanding parables and metaphors in religious text. I concur that
this is partially the case with me. I draw a blank over many Biblical
texts I read. Not a small blank. A big one. I can see how it would be
easy for a lot of people on the spectrum to just give up in
frustration. However, there are many ways around this. Because I work
hard at understanding metaphorical text, I do eventually understand.
Religious commentary helps. I have a friend with a degree in religion
who can explain some things to me, although it often takes more time.
I do best when a priest or minister begins with the concrete and
slowly builds up to the metaphorical. I am so happy when I can follow
the homily and I cherish how I can learn from it on deeper levels.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
People
may wonder why I spend so much time studying theological literature.
I cannot stand not to “get” something, and it takes me longer to
grasp it. By the time I grasp it, I understand the subject matter in
far deeper detail than someone who grasped the concept immediately.
My approach is the only approach I can use if I want to comprehend
what I am hearing.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In
other words, the neurotypical approach to religion doesn't work. I'm
a contemplative. I like to just mull upon words, images, emotions,
interactions. I love to just stay with a few verses of scripture or a
sacred mystery and just soak it all in. It's candy. I'm a fish in
water. I find that symbolism is wonderful and I especially like
finding patterns in what I'm learning and reading. Catholicism just
happens to be full of pattern after pattern that fits neatly into the
one before. Taken from that angle, I can eventually grasp parables. I
love poetry and poetry is about that. I just reach within my heart
and jot down what images come up and what emotions are present and a
few minutes later, I find that I have a complete metaphorical
thought. It just happens.
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Returning
to the Boston study, the researchers also predicted that people on
the autism spectrum would be drawn to rigid, doctrinal religions if
they were drawn to religion at all. Autistic people crave structure,
sameness, predictability. Ambiguity can lead to meltdowns for us. Why
is this? I really don't know completely. My guess is that when life
is so incredibly intense, sensorily, emotionally, socially, we don't
have that much energy left over to “piddle around” with nuances
of moral pondering. No, when that much intensity is going on, we need
anchoring and grounding and it's well known that most autistics love
rules, although that doesn't mean we're always sweet and compliant.
Sometimes, we stubbornly set our own rigid rules and refuse to follow
those in authority, but we always have a rule mindset. I don't even
need to elucidate how Catholicism is great for helping with this.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Researchers
also predicted that autistics would have problems with “supernatural”
concepts and would appreciate a socially welcoming community, since
we have problems navigating social situations and often have anxiety
because of it. For me, “supernatural” concepts are not
problematic. I've always believed in God and never questioned His
existence. I think I got this from my dad, because he's the same way.
Growing up with God being a fact makes the whole concept easier to
take in. Also, I learned to pray to God as a person from a young age.
I don't know if that has an impact on other autistics on the spectrum
though.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I've
always remembered reading in one of Dr. Temple Grandin's books that
as she worked in the cattle industry, seeing that moment when a cow
was a living, breathing animal and in the next moment (after quick
slaughter) an immediate piece of meat was hard for her to understand.
I know what she's talking about. Death itself is a “supernatural”
concept to me.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
As far
as the social problems and anxiety go- big time. I needed
unbelievable assurance that I was okay, that I belonged, that I would
not be rejected and that I would not be looked down on. Luckily for
me, teachers and priests were reliably able to encourage, support and
nurture my growth. Also luckily for me, my conversion story was
featured on the front page of the diocesan newspaper, and that helped
me let go of a lot more anxiety. Still, I wish I didn't feel I need
that kind of reassurance.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
So,
what were the overall results of the Boston research study? I did
mention that atheism was the largest group (26%), followed by
agnosticism (17%). Only 16% of autistics were able to embrace
Christian beliefs. All others studied (around 40%) had their “own construction”
of God. In other words, they came to their own conclusions and
followed their own private revelations of what God is to them. In
the neurotypical (non-autistic) control group, atheism was at 17% and
agnosticism at 10%. Christianity was at 38% and “own construction”
at only 6%. Understandable. People with autism are highly creative
and innovative. It's been said we have to dance to our own drummer
because we cannot hear the music (social information) everyone else
is listening to.
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Because
I am a Christian, I would like to see religious organizations and
churches learn how autistics think and process religious information.
In doing so, outreach to this population can be far easier. For
example, beginning with the concrete, literal and visual and slowly
building up to the allegorical and metaphorical works best. Depending
on level of functioning, this may take varied amounts of instruction.
I also would like to see churches take a different approach to
teaching religion. So many autistics are creative, powerful
visualizers. Any sort of approach involving creative imagination or
guided imagery could be immensely helpful. The main reason I've been
able to integrate Christianity this time around in my life is that
I've been using lots and lots of contemplative visualization.
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Added
note:</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I would
also like to note that I feel a weakness in the test was that the
test instruments were influenced and built upon the concepts of Simon
Baron-Cohen. His views are controversial now in the autism community.
His “Systemizing Quotient” seems to apply far more to autistic
males than females. His views of “theory of mind” and his
“zero empathy” theory of autism are also being questioned and
challenged a lot now. <br />
<br />
Reference: <br />
<a href="http://csjarchive.cogsci.rpi.edu/proceedings/2011/papers/0782/paper0782.pdf">http://csjarchive.cogsci.rpi.edu/proceedings/2011/papers/0782/paper0782.pdf</a>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-57810022577976495812012-06-29T18:38:00.000-07:002012-07-07T19:55:21.970-07:00Health Care, Freedom and Conscience<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm writing this blog about something
most people don't care about and some have not even heard of. I ask
that you have an open mind about the perspective I'm about to share.
Most people don't understand the issue and/or they have dismissed it
as unimportant. I hope you will be different. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am presenting an issue important to
both conservatives and liberals, to Christians, Buddhists and Pagans.
This issue crosses all political and religious lines, because
religious freedom is important to us all. A great many people have
heard that the issue at hand is about birth control and abortion.
It's really not. The issue is about whether a person or organization
should pay for things that strongly go against their conscience.
Atheists out there, how would you feel about having to pay for
Bibles? Orthodox Jews, do you want to be forced to offer pork in your
shops or pay a tax because you don't sell pork? You may say this can
never happen to you. How do you know that once a precedent is set, it
can't happen to you? A regulation under the “Patient Protection and
Affordable Care Act” which some call “Obama-care” could open
the door to make this happen. It's called the HHS Mandate.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Economic Ethics drives this issue. The
goal of opposing this mandate is that people very opposed to an
activity shouldn't have to pay for it. Any time a person pays a
premium, co-pay or deductible, they will be partially paying for
birth control and abortifacients and sterilization. Companies and
organizations will be forced to offer this service, even if they
believe it is gravely immoral.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So, most of you may say, “Who cares?
That's dumb anyway.” I was with you, before I understood the issue.
I won't lie. I now believe that life begins at conception and that
using birth control that will prevent that embryo from implanting
flushes away a life that was meant to happen or it wouldn't have been
created. Do you have to agree? No, you don't. Can you believe I am an
absolute loony to believe such a thing? Yes, by all means. Can you
classify me as old-fashioned, too traditional, and a general
stick-in-the-mud, square sort of person? Sure, why not!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don't care how you view me, but
don't try to take away my rights. The Amish are old fashioned and
many think their ways are kind of nuts, but does the government force
them to buy cars? I have a right to be weird and hokey.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
One misunderstanding I've seen
floating around the internet is that people who oppose the HHS
mandate are trying to take away rights to birth control,
abortifacients and sterilization. This could not be further from the
truth. People in America have a right to these services by law.
People who work for an employer who doesn't cover these things are
still free to purchase insurance coverage or services elsewhere. In
addition, birth control is both ubiquitous and free in many clinics
already.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The HHS mandate has rightly been
called a “sleeper issue,” meaning an issue that will be ignored
until it causes Obama to lose the election. Many wrongly believe that
Catholics don't agree with the Church's position and won't oppose the
mandate. Wrong. Even Catholics I know who do use birth control are
nervous about this threat to freedom. I see stats floating around
that over 90% of Catholics use birth control. These stats are wrong
because they are interviewing lapsed and inactive Catholics. The vast
majority of practicing Catholics do not use birth control. Yet,
overall, agree or not, right or wrong, their faith is critical to
most practicing Catholics, who are influenced by their bishops.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
And, it's not just us. The list of
groups opposing the HHS mandate is quite long. Evangelical
Protestants, Orthodox Jews and Catholics are opposed. Also some
secularists are opposed on the logical grounds that freedom is
threatened. Where are the Buddhists on this issue? My Tibetan
Buddhist friend told me abortion is against her religion. If the
current government wants support for the healthcare plan, they will
never get it by treating religious groups like dirt. Further, HHS
shows disregard for women by forcing them to purchase birth
control/abortifacieant products against their will, whether they want
it or not. Is this fair?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm not sure about the other
organizations, but since I'm Catholic, I know this: The Catholic
Church won't just swallow her position and go on. No, if need be, all
Catholic hospitals, clinics and schools will close. I heard a woman
on a radio call-in show say, “I think the Catholics should stay out
of the hospital business and just handle their worship business.”
The hospital business IS our worship business. In fact, the Catholic
Church innovated the first hospitals shortly following the Council of
Nicea in 325 AD. With the exception of a few scattered examples of
primitive hospitals from 252-325, the first major hospital
undertaking was largely a Byzantine Christian effort, as hospitals
were added onto most churches and cathedrals. Serving the sick and
poor has always been a core priority for the Catholic faith, and
service IS our worship.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Under the “exceptions” of the new
mandate, if a church organization hires only church members and
serves only church members, it may be exempt from paying for birth
control and abortifacients. What church wants to do that? What church
with a conscience CAN do that? Someone comes in with a gunshot wound
and a nurse has to act if they're Catholic or Evangelical before they
can save their life? To use a colloquial expression, we are being
“blown off.” Blown off my the government, blown off by the
general public. No one really cares about us. If this precedent
is set, who will care about you?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Will you help us support opposing the
HHS Mandate?<br />
<a href="https://www.stophhs.com/">Petition Here-(Against HHS Regulation ONLY, not entire health care plan.)</a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Note: Articles are circulating all
over the web that Plan B and Ella are not abortifacients.<br />
<a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/morning-after-pill/MY01190/DSECTION=why-its-done">This is not conclusive. Read what
the Mayo Clinic has to say here.</a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-31988427207508875972012-06-16T17:24:00.000-07:002012-07-06T14:25:25.951-07:00Who is Mary, Anyway?<br />
I have been on a quest to understand the Blessed Virgin Mary. I felt compelled to research this because the concept absolutely dumbfounded me. When I become both fascinated and confused, I also tend to get a bit obsessed. At the moment, I'm reaching some clarity, so I thought I'd share a bit of the insights I have gained with you. <br />
<br />
I come from a protestant background. More specifically, I grew up in a heavily fundamentalist climate, although my own parents were moderate Baptists. I attended youth group, choir and other activities. I remember a slide presentation I saw once in chapel. We were shown pictures from Mexico of statues of the Virgin Mary. The Baptist missionary from Mexico who led the presentation shared with us, with a very sad and sincere face, that there were no Christians in Mexico, because everyone worshiped these statues. I too, felt sad. <br />
<br />
Later in life, I immersed myself in a New Age background. The Blessed Virgin Mary was presented to me as a “goddess.” However, at the same time, Jesus was presented to me as a “face” or “mask” of God, like many other masks and manifestations, such as Mohammed and Krishna and the Buddha. I was told, however, that humans could become gods and that Jesus was an example of one who achieved that goal, joining the pantheon of gods along with Zeus, Athena and others. So, the Blessed Virgin was said to be a goddess, but Jesus was not thought to be uniquely God, but one among many. I did not realize at that time how this type of thinking is equally skewed.<br />
<br />
I tend to be an extremist. Everything I do tends toward the hard-core. So, I have swung to both far ends of the spiritual pendulum and many bizarre places in between. If Jesus is not a god among gods and Mary is not a goddess at all, where then is the truth? The answer is nothing most people would actually think of unless they read a lot of seemingly obscure medieval texts and depth theology. And why do that? Why the interest? In the process of becoming Catholic, I paid a lot of attention to people sharing with me about Mary. Mary was part of our curriculum. Still, I did not understand anything whatsoever about her. I knew what they said, but I didn't know if what they said made sense. But now it does.<br />
<br />
What I learned throughout my study so far can be summarized this way: Mary surrendered all she is and all she does to God, for His glory. Because her soul "magnifies the Lord,” Mary has become, for many people, a means to see Jesus, who is the way. Mary reflects light from God so we can see Jesus, the Way. <br />
<br />
Mary is not, as I was taught, as a Baptist, a false “way” to God, someone to whom only seriously misled people would pray to as the “way” to God, instead of Jesus. Jesus is “the way, the truth and the life” and no one goes to Heaven except through Him, just as the gospels say. Once again, Mary is not “the way.” When I realized that, I knew with certainty that I was not committing idolatry to ask Mary to pray for me to grow closer to Christ.<br />
<br />
Mary is a human being, as fully human as you and me. She is not a goddess in any way. Mary willingly serves as a feminine vessel that God moves through unimpeded and at full strength. She is not like us, who are limited to earth and constantly throwing obstacles of pride and ego in the way of God's will. Because she is a vessel, like a channel, prayers directed to Mary are directed immediately to God because that is Mary's main purpose for existing. I look at Mary as a way to view God through the perceptual lens of the feminine. I find this very helpful because I am a woman. Mary is a model of humble surrender for men and for women, but it is easier for me to follow her example than that of Jesus, because she is female, like me.<br />
<br />
I've been going to the meeting/retreat days for the secular carmelites, because I am an aspirant for the Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites. Last Saturday, I sang some new hymns I had not heard before. One of them was, “Mary the Dawn.” Some of the words of that prayer are “Mary the gate, Christ the heavenly way.” As I hear those words, I imagine a path with an open gate, and that is Mary, always open to God. She is our example and a way of finding the way. She is viewed as a beacon light over the ocean in the hymn “Ave Maris Stella,” or “Mary, Star of the Sea.” She is a beacon, a light to move towards as we seek to reach Christ. <br />
<br />
Mary is in no way the “way to the way,” as this would be ridiculous. Her parents would be the “way to the way to the way” and so on, infinitum. Mary is instead an optional way to contemplate and receive God's way. St. Louis de Montfort is an expert in explaining the many benefits of following the way of Jesus with Mary's help. In fact, he believes Mary's intervention is the best way to worship Christ. I'm leaning towards that point of view and as I read, the depth and dimensionality of Mary's relationship to Jesus is awe-inspiring to contemplate. Today, the memorial of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I am beginning a process of preparing for consecration to Jesus, through Mary. If this is idolatry, so is going to Jesus through listening to your minister. After all, just as God can enter your heart through the words of your minister, God chose to enter the world through Mary.<br />
<br />
Mary is content to be a human forever, and one through whom our Lord may pass without obstruction, and through perfect expression. None of us are going to become gods, ever. We are born to be creatures forever. We can become perfect and glorified creatures, like Mary and the saints, but only God is God. I know that might sound like a drag to some of you, and it sounded like a drag to Lucifer too, so he is working hard to become a “god” and to encourage others to do so too. Jesus is the only God who has ever or will ever walk the earth. If a person is a member of another religion and they experience Jesus' love without knowing or realizing his name, that is the same thing as going through Jesus as the way, and they can be saved and reach heaven. However, the other gods they pray to (although they do not know they are false gods) are not God. <br />
<br />
In all ways, Mary magnifies the Lord. I hope one day, my soul will magnify the Lord, so that people will see the way to Christ through me. Amen.<br />
<br />
<br />
Footnote :)<br />
I've only been Catholic for two months now, so if my catechism is off, let me know either here or by email. Thanks!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-86420342779238877412012-05-30T16:29:00.000-07:002012-07-06T14:23:24.814-07:00Total FreedomIt seems everywhere we look in self-help, spiritual and metaphysical sections of bookstores, authors have come out with their own distinct methods and ways to improve our lives, heal our souls and make our dreams come true. The paths generally involve a numbered list, such as four or twelve steps. Sometimes, the first letters of each word form an acronym, or they all start with the same letter, to make them easy to remember. Regardless of format, a sort of “promise” accompanies the text. If you, the reader, will faithfully do “x,y and z,” “a,b and c” will happen. A cause and effect relationship is proposed by the author and that is what sells you, the reader, in your decision to purchase the book.<br />
<br />
What do you think would happen if someone suggested that you do “x,y and z,”you may or may not receive anything at all? What if they told you the reward was in the asking? What if they also told you that through following their suggestions, you may likely suffer more, not less, but that through this suffering, you will unite with an aspect of God who suffers, and that this union will bring you boundless peace? Crazy, you'd probably say.<br />
<br />
After all, everybody knows there are a zillion methods to instant happiness, from the $20 book in the bookstore to the $400 retreat weekend. You will be told all the love you need is within yourself, that you are perfect, that you have never done anything wrong and that you can be like God or even become a god. You may also be told you will gain great wealth and “abundance” through their methods. Unlimited freedom, peace and joy will be yours.
I once attended lots of workshops like this.<br />
<br />
Once, I paid $250 monthly for a four hour workshop that met once a month. The workshop was worth a lot because of the “very holy woman” who would guide us. Now, in the beginning of most forms of meditative practice, people strive for purity or to cleanse themselves from that which would impede the meditation experience. Traditionally, in Buddhist and Christian practice, effort is made by people to free themselves from selfish instincts which impede man from following the will of God. However, for this group, I was told to thoroughly cleanse myself of “judgments” before the monthly meeting.<br />
<br />
Let's take a look at this objectively: Traditional religious practice focuses on using judgment to free the souls from selfishness which keeps the individuals tied to their own limited, mortal abilities. In the practices of the workshop I attended, we were told to effectively silence the conscience and begin to let selfish desires and instincts run wild. I was even told on a separate retreat experience the catch phrase that, “Our feelings are integrity.” So, the goal of such spiritual practice was to let instincts run “free” of judgment to impede them. “Total freedom” is supposed to be possible through this experience.<br />
<br />
From a Christian perspective, passions aren't negative. However, being controlled by passions is anything but freedom. The key word here is “controlled.” How free are we when under control of our passions, just as the “enlightened” animals and babies that have no “judgment” yet? I'd wager that a baby isn't quite free. Operating on instinct as the brain develops, the infant's presence naturally brings much joy to adults. Yet, we (hopefully) grow up to learn to master instinctual impulses.<br />
<br />
Some teachers from that tradition do stress the mastery of mind and emotion, but it is always geared towards reaching a goal the individual wants, such as to “manifest” a personal fortune, get a new car or the lover of their dreams. St. Thomas Aquinas listed four distractions on the way to finding truth: fame, fortune, power and pleasure. That's because they are not goals of real spiritual life. In order to be “free to carry out the will of God and to share in the freedom of the Holy Spirit,” profound renunciation of selfishness is required.<br />
<br />
Choice of spiritual practice boils down to one thing: Are you looking for something lasting, enduring and reliable? Or would you rather chase down each quick and easy fad that promises you your version of Heaven on Earth? “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Notice, in this part of the prayer that God's kingdom comes to earth through following God's will, not our own.<br />
<br />
Would it be your will to be nailed to a cross? No, and for Jesus, fully human, crucifixion wasn't that appealing either. However, because Jesus is also fully God, he surrendered His human will selflessly to the greater good for all mankind. People forget Jesus united his human will to God's will. People forget that Jesus knew ahead of time he would be crucified. He also did not fight it, although he stayed up all night “sweating blood” as He contemplated the time to come. To me, the death of Jesus proclaims how pain has no power over the disciplined soul. We can still choose to be loving in the midst of it. Inversely, pleasure also has no power over the disciplined soul. A special state of “detachment” occurs with purification of selfish instincts.<br />
<br />
Jesus did not promise His disciples new cars (or camels) and exotic vacations and He did not take them for Himself. To do that would only distract from the priceless treasure He offered. Jesus does not promise us we will be happy. He does not promise we will be rich and always healthy. In the “myths,” there is only one who makes such promises to his followers, and that is in exchange for their very souls. Yes, you can join the cult of self-worship. You can pretend Christianity is all about fear. But, deep down, you know it can't be reduced to that.<br />
<br />
Christianity is about freedom, but not always about feeling good. If you want to pick and choose beliefs based on what resonates, feels good, and is what you feel drawn to and like, know that you may not like the real truth. Like it or not, it will set you free. Free to know what it feels like to really learn to love as Jesus did. Even learning about Jesus is free. Don't be afraid to explore it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-75548830691879221952012-03-15T14:35:00.000-07:002012-07-06T14:24:58.773-07:00Why Join One of the Least Popular Religions in the WorldWhy join one of the least popular religions in the world? Besides Islam, there is probably no more misunderstood religion in the world today. Catholicism is often viewed as intolerant, when in actuality she stands for compassion more than anything else. <br />
<br />
Growing up Baptist, I learned so many myths about Catholicism that I can barely count them. It's a miracle I was open enough to this faith to see what it had to offer me. These are the gifts I have received this year:<br />
<br />
(1) Nothing else makes Christianity real for me, so I can experience it with all my senses and feel myself connected to Jesus in a true relationship. The beautiful, timeless visuals, sacred music, Catholic prayer that helps me feel as if I'm seeing and hearing Jesus speak through the Bible and my heart make Him as real to me as death and taxes.<br />
<br />
(2) Nothing else has taught me how suffering can be sanctified and how we can work in union with it, rather than against it, so that suffering loses its power. This jewel of awareness is amazing for getting through tough times.<br />
<br />
(3) Nothing else has helped me be fully accountable and honest with myself. Beyond genes and environment, there really is free will. With no one there to say, "Don't beat yourself up," or "don't judge yourself. You did the best you could," I can now face judgment without fear, using guilt as a tool to freedom. Hey, it works for me! Before, I was just repressing my conscience with "not judging" and that could never feel authentic for me. All the work I've done through the years to build self-esteem? No longer important. Good thing, because it really didn't work anyway. I'm now aware of how precious I am to God and I want to offer my gifts and talents in service to him. So, I am very happy with me. <br />
<br />
(4) Nothing else has anchored Christianity in a greater philosophical, historical and cultural depth. My mind, emotions and soul can all resonate with treasuring the tradition that preserves the early Church. Many protestants do not trust that the Church has preserved this tradition, but I have come over time to believe that they do. Reading the works of the early church fathers of the first century can show you what I'm talking about.<br />
<br />
(5) I can see, not only how my own life ran off track, but how humanity as a whole has become lost. I am able to question the social and cultural "wisdom" that makes up our modern world. For example, are we being edgy and revolutionary to assert the precepts of the sexual revolution? Actually, no. Everyone is doing it. Look around. The question is, "Who is examining their beliefs about doing it?"<br />
<br />
(6) The Buddhist tradition and Catholic tradition both produce saints. Both are old religions and both stress learning constraint against worldly pleasures and offer a productive approach to suffering. When people throw together a hodge-podge of ideas and claim to be speaking from the "heart of all spiritual traditions," watch out. At best, they are talking about love, although it will be ambiguously defined. At worst, they are offering a superficial understanding of the many religious traditions in order to further their ego or profit based agenda. I go with the tested, tried and true. Catholicism it is!<br />
<br />
(7) There is no "safety" in leaving the world of moral relativism. In fact, it is an act of bravery and a surrender of will. The Christian Way of "dying to yourself daily" is not for the faint-hearted. The rewards are in the development of comfort within the deep, inexplicable mystery that is God. When I am accused of "sheep mentality," I wonder if the person talking to me has done a sanity check.<br />
<br />
(8) Prior to coming to the Catholic Church, I had learned to view myself as God (new age concept) or I viewed gurus as gods. Unlike what I was taught as a Baptist, there is no idolatry in the Catholic Church. Rather, there is a very deep reverence for the one true God. I learned that Mary and the saints are not worshiped and adored, but venerated. Huge difference. Yes, I can pray to them but only asking their help to deepen my relationship with Christ. It's like having a conversation with a loved one at their grave. Great tool- support network even beyond the grave.<br />
<br />
(9) Prior to coming to the Catholic faith, I was taught that my relationship with myself and God is all that matters, so why have a priest? My problem with this was wondering how to tell how much of the conversation really came from God, and how much just echoed opinions or was not truly from Him. In my classes, I learned how wisdom and discernment come from grace, and although grace is a free gift, it is difficult to receive it when you're not open to it due to sin. Learning to identify and release sin through forgiveness clears the channel. A priest helps a lot with that. The release I've felt through going through this process is profound. This is a peace that is deep to the core and unlike anything I felt in any other "spirituality."<br />
<br />
(10) I've been able to learn far more about the Bible than I did as a Baptist. Baptist preachers choose what verses or sections of the Bible to preach about, and since some sections are more popular than others, I never heard certain parts of the gospels until I was at mass. Some of what I have heard is really hard stuff. I could hardly believe it was in there and I definitely needed help to grasp it. Every section of the Bible is studied and read in sequence at mass. We have a reading from the old testament, psalms, gospel and new testament at every mass. Every three years, almost the entire Bible has been covered. I never learned so much in my life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-14097072747821455792012-03-10T14:31:00.001-08:002012-09-10T10:03:50.500-07:00In Response to Freedom from Religion Foundation's AdI have created my own "ad" in response to the ad recently published in the New York Times by the "Freedom From Religion Foundation," in which Catholics are ridiculed and intentions misunderstood in a self-described attempt to "drive Catholics away from Church."<br />
<br />
Original ad is here:<br />
<a href="http://www.creativeminorityreport.com/2012/03/nyt-ad-quit-catholic-church.html">http://www.creativeminorityreport.com/2012/03/nyt-ad-quit-catholic-church.html</a><br />
<br />
My new ad:<br />
<br />
(the cartoon)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_mSYOjDfP-HK0wtYjiPlQlby6xuCnUZWhjM2tRP_Dpg3JFyJGJdMe4PgQIfMNwSOqbQEEKq7gqZfOvMKtdhc4KDRg2gVZMJBCjWCHx8uBYPNrWKpkJYIJddfcpEWkN1IuJJ9gnnzUVrg/s1600/cartoonwithborder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="119" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_mSYOjDfP-HK0wtYjiPlQlby6xuCnUZWhjM2tRP_Dpg3JFyJGJdMe4PgQIfMNwSOqbQEEKq7gqZfOvMKtdhc4KDRg2gVZMJBCjWCHx8uBYPNrWKpkJYIJddfcpEWkN1IuJJ9gnnzUVrg/s400/cartoonwithborder.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
(the whole flyer)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigJb2KY98zmbivHf-6ZziFDo-SHputKr4cabLwKN6WZH_UlKXB3DJFKZeRU5qO_jA8UMXG4b2-ZLsqk-VjSfCuoGFP_ed0Gw-pBNaYFC0e2Jo6zCG0sGMzokqdO-AFepuZ2WhImGeL1FY/s1600/responsetorfrf.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigJb2KY98zmbivHf-6ZziFDo-SHputKr4cabLwKN6WZH_UlKXB3DJFKZeRU5qO_jA8UMXG4b2-ZLsqk-VjSfCuoGFP_ed0Gw-pBNaYFC0e2Jo6zCG0sGMzokqdO-AFepuZ2WhImGeL1FY/s400/responsetorfrf.bmp" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
The text says:<br />
<br />
Will it be personal responsibility, or more of the selfish irresponsibility we have increasingly seen over the past 100 years? Do you hold sacred human life or pursuing your own sexual agenda, even if it results in the death of embryos (via the pill and IUD preventing implantation) or the death of infants in development in what should be the safe and sacred mother's womb? Which side are you on?<br />
<br />
In light of the Freedom from Religious Foundation's ad declaring war against human life for the convenience of unbridled expression of human sexuality...<br />
<br />
Why are you aiding and abetting the voices of a social movement that has repeatedly engaged in a crusade against the protection of human life that the Catholic Church has sworn to protect? To support an organization that considers “women's health” the ability to remove their own children from their bodies for any whim? Deliberate slander of the Catholic faith should no more be encouraged than anti-semitism.<br />
<br />
If you imagine you can challenge this social movement- get it to respect the fact that since science does not know when the human soul enters a person, they are taking the risk of murder-- you are deluding yourself because that movement is dedicated to protecting its right to “sexual freedom” so strongly that consideration of moral issues is closed off from the mind.<br />
<br />
By remaining a “good Catholic,” you embrace a long tradition of finding freedom through the practice of unselfish love and concern for all life. <br />
<br />
Why put up with such a social movement that threatens to pull you away from what you know to be true? NFP is as effective as the pill when practiced properly. Abstinence is also possible, despite continual messages of the world that it is not possible or desirable. <br />
<br />
Most importantly, the right not to finance the irresponsible sex lives and potential loss of human life inherent in birth control is a fundamental religious right. <br />
<br />
The Church is more welcoming than they are, for they hope to <br />
nurture you in your ability to love, forgive and live unselfishly.<br />
<br />
Stop the lies. Hold fast to your faith.<br />
<br />
Yours Truly,<br />
A Catholic Convert Who Once Believed the LiesAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-76228444873933889312012-01-30T19:07:00.000-08:002012-07-06T14:27:06.321-07:00Does religion have any purpose?How easily I wrote off religion! Everyone knows it only gave guilt, fear, suffering and "sheep mentality" to the world. Who in their right mind would be drawn to it?<br />
<br />
Me. When all else failed. I found out when you plug in those "negative emotions" where they fit, only then can the experience of humanity be made sacred. Where do these negative emotions fit? Generally, they go where and when things aren't good for me.<br />
<br />
Along with lots of people, I thought sex was the answer to all my problems. After all, I had been taught in psychology and even from a few therapists I had, that sexual repression made people neurotic. Although repression could cause far more problems than sublimation, I had too many empty experiences trying to work all that out.<br />
<br />
I wonder how it is that the rate of mental illness has mushroomed (along with the divorce rate) since the great "sexual revolution". People want their own freedom first, at all costs, regardless of how others are affected. Many of these people will quip that they aren't responsible for how others feel. Others will quip that their true freedom comes through sharing their love with others. Does that extend to difficult times of suffering or will the other person be dismissed since you believe suffering isn't healthy?<br />
<br />
I've been where they are. I've defended a lot of selfish decisions. I had felt trapped in my life and I wanted to be free. I did just that. I became much more confident and successful in my life. When my idea of "success" collapsed, it was hard to find meaning. I kept being told that I could gain "personal power" and become all I ever wanted by believing in my "divine nature."<br />
<br />
Had I not felt desperate, I wouldn't have stayed with this thinking as long as I did. Deep down, I remembered the story of the Garden of Eden and how the serpent told our original parents they would "be as gods". Deep down, I knew that making myself my own god was a type of idolatry. When I wasn't trying to become as God, I was idolizing gurus. Finally, I collapsed with guilt from it all.<br />
<br />
My gurus would have cautioned me not to judge myself and to stop being a victim, through guilt, but if I had done that, I would have denied myself the greatest realization of my life.<br />
<br />
After a five year period of re-examining these things, it became apparent to me that I had a desire to explore what Jesus had to offer. I learned more about contemplative prayer, lectio divina, and a Jesuit technique of visualizing yourself in the life of Jesus. I started reading scripture and saw how superficial my understanding had been before.<br />
<br />
I had thought I could draw from the universal root of all religions, love, but I didn't have the best example available of how to live that love. Christianity began to make love concrete and real- not an airy bliss but a solid foundation for my life. All other attempts at such "foundations" had failed. I used to believe my spiritual teachers could act as clear or clearer mirrors for me, but Jesus is the clearest mirror there is. He's the only one safe to be trusted.<br />
<br />
Everything he did in life was to give to me and you. He didn't help us for material profit. He taught us how to sanctify suffering, not to avoid it. Yes, even suffering can be sacred. Through this, I've learned more meaningful ways to view emotions I once avoided.<br />
<br />
Seeking God can take many faces and phases. I don't believe if you don't agree with me you're going to hell. I only wanted to share my story.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-83654557448030521922010-10-04T20:53:00.000-07:002010-10-04T20:53:43.978-07:00Reflections on the Cloud of Unknowing, #2One facet of the Cloud of Unknowing that strikes me most is the anonymous author's clarity. Although he uses some expressions incomprehensible to the mind, such as how God is "nothing and nowhere," and he often speaks of paradoxes, on matters of faith he is resonatingly clear. <br />
<br />
In my reading over the past few days, I find myself excited by the questions he posits. I write each word of the questions down, contemplating them in anticipation of the answer. The answer surprises me and brings immediate lucidity to my soul.<br />
<br />
The truth doesn't have to confuse. Confusing the mind does not help one abandon the mind. Jesus sought to clarify, rather than confuse, with his parables. The absolute genius of the parables of Jesus lies in how we are shown the paradoxes we believe about every day life, without our even realizing they are paradoxes. <br />
<br />
From the point of grasping the principle through the metaphoricaly imagery, somehow we grasp a deeper truth than may be explained with logic or reason. The parable of the prodigal son contains the paradox of being undeserving and yet receiving abundant reward. Another example is of the mustard seed, tinier than other seeds, which grows into a large and powerful tree.<br />
<br />
Have you ever thought about how many paradoxes you believe every day and take for granted? What about how the sun appears to rise and set, but you also know it isn't really doing that? How about the way an electron can be either or a particle or a wave, depending on whether you are observing it or not? We don't understand these things, yet we do not question that they are.<br />
<br />
It is possible to speak the truth with clarity and also on the level that only your soul, beyond the mere mind, is able to grasp it. Anonymous, through the Cloud of Unknowing, has helped me see the purpose of reason and its best uses. This was a welcome relief to the way I saw reason before, as something unneeded and just to be discarded in the spiritual journey.<br />
<br />
Make no mistake, Anonymous stridently recommends that we throw everything imaginable into the "Cloud of Unknowing," and that includes good and bad, sinful and virtuous thought. However, his approach is to gradually guide his reader to this end, making sure a firm foundation is built first of pure motives and love without selfish aims. I understood for the first time who I am in relation to God, what grace is and what it takes to experience union with God. <br />
<br />
I had come from a previous tradition that was just too convoluted and confusing for me to build up my relationship with God, which is why the structure fell apart in the end. My understanding and practice of what it means to be fulfilled have shifted towards a more productive process. I'm learning to simplify thoughts and experience their new potency. <br />
<br />
"Motivated by a strong desire to reduce themselves to nothing, they will have a strong desire that God be all." -Anonymous, from The Cloud of UnknowingAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-40865313097023667752010-09-28T11:55:00.000-07:002010-09-28T16:17:18.063-07:00The Cloud of Unknowing: Reflections #1This morning, I began my study of The Cloud of Unknowing, a work by an Anonymous author in about the fourteenth century. Uneducated about such things, I had previously believed that meditating directly on God without thought was an Eastern practice that Christians had adopted in fairly modern times. To see how far back this tradition is in the Christian tradition surprised me.<br />
<br />
As I learned from St.Teresa of Avila, humility and desire for God are the two essential ingredients for any form of spiritual growth and fulfillment. Silencing thought is not, for St.Teresa did not attempt to do it, although it was the essential byproduct of her practice. St.Teresa was able to have many experiences completely unfathomable and unexplainable to others. Anonymous writes that what is required for contemplative prayer is "sincere and humble blind stirrings of love,"because “he is complete and can fill every longing.” <br />
<br />
The “cloud of unknowing” is the absence of knowing between us and God. He recommends that we place all of our knowledge, good and bad, into the Cloud of Forgetting beneath us. St.Teresa writes how in the end, she naturally reached a point where she forgot herself. In the practice taught by Anonymous, this goal is sought secondarily to the foundations of humility and desire. <br />
<br />
Anonymous describes three kinds of prayer: action, reflection (which includes both remorse and gratitude) and relating to the “cloud of unknowing.” He at first calls these “higher and lower” prayer. But then states, paradoxically that the highest is also the lowest. When I was following new Age practices and teachings, I also learned to meditate without thinking. It was amazing. But, here I am, starting over with my spiritual journey, wondering if I'm ready. <br />
<br />
My first thought was that I'm not ready for this “higher prayer” because the lower is so fulfilling now. But, as I examined motives, I realized avoidance was based on fear. Specifically, the fear has been of misusing motives. Although I was urged to examine motives before, to avoid ego snags, that did not include avoiding self-indulgence as a motive. Whether I misconstrued these teachings or whether they did not include this is a mystery today. Regardless, Anonymous encourages using a “Naked Intent,” a beautiful way of describing purity of heart and will aligned to God's will. <br />
<br />
When I began meditative prayer a few weeks ago, it was because James Finley's book, Christian Meditation, showed me the way. An example given was of meditating on just one verse. I chose the beatitude, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” As I had heard this in the past, I thought, “Hey, good. I'll see him. I know my heart is pure!” As I meditated much more deeply over a series of many days, I realized this could not be further from the truth. Instead of this being discouraging, it was to me the best realization ever. Was I seeing God all the time? Uh, no. So, uh, is my heart pure? Uh.. no. <br />
<br />
I do not know if my intent is “naked.” Humility also is a puzzle. Every time I contemplate it, I get the same result. “No, not humble,” comes the verdict from my conscience. Fortunately, I read that St.Teresa grappled with this every day, to the end. We will just never be humble or pure enough. So, that is a good thing to realize, since thinking we've achieved it destroys the process of achieving it.It's the examination of the conscience that brings satisfaction if we look at it this way. As we always work on it, we're doing our best and that is all we can do at any given moment. Because of this, if we approach it this way, that would mean doing our best.<br />
<br />
If we wait until we are “ready” to practice higher prayer (how Anonymous refers to “meditation,”) we will be waiting for Godot. Thanks to my reading, at least now I understand what the foundations are and what methods may help.<br />
<br />
“Let whichever of you feels surest of herself fear most.” -St.Teresa of AvilaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-14526683991943351922010-09-25T18:37:00.000-07:002010-09-25T18:39:51.868-07:00Seventh Mansions: God's Will United with SoulOnce again, I was continually surprised by what I read about the seventh mansions. St. Teresa describes what it is like to live in constant awareness of the union between self and God. She describes this “as if the ends of two wax candles were joined so that the light they give as one,” and also with the image of rain falling on a lake, so that one “cannot separate the water below from that which fell from the heavens.”<br /><br />In what she calls the “Prayer of Union, “there is unwavering certainty of God and tranquility. The awareness of union with God never leaves. The raptures stop, except for brief occasions and even they do not cause “transportation or flights of spirit” as the soul is grounded in union with Christ. Suffering does not disturb her soul, although there are still trials and grief. St. Teresa describes the “state of forgetfulness” which feels as if the soul never existed. All that is left is “seeking the honor of God.”<br /><br />St. Teresa explains an experience of feeling self as if divided at times between the Mary and Martha inside. The “Mary” part is always in praise and worship of Jesus and the “Martha” part is doing the work in the world. In the beginning, the Martha part is jealous of the Mary part, but in time, they learn to work together as one. <br /><br />In the fifth mansions, St. Teresa gave us the example of the silkworm that was transformed into the white butterfly, through the cocoon of Christ. She told us that in the seventh house, we would learn where the butterfly came to rest. I was surprised to learn that the butterfly takes its rest in death. “The little butterfly dies because Christ is now its life.” The soul, so beautifully transformed by the Master in the fifth mansions has now ceased to need to be at all. Instead, St. Teresa speaks of becoming “extremely desirous of serving God,” so that nothing else now matters. <br /><br />I had expected St. Teresa to talk of unending bliss and ecstasy, desiring from that point forward to lounge around like a Buddha statue. I had expected her to write about losing herself in God, or to somehow become God. She did not. She became more and more fulfilled in who she was as she became immersed with God and her will was laid to rest. Following this “death” the soul rests in eternal life, here and now.<br /><br />In these chapters, St. Teresa stresses again the importance of humility throughout this process, stating, “Let whichever of you feels surest of herself fear most.” yet, when certainty that the soul is lost in Christ occurs, there can be no more fear. <br /><br />St. Teresa has been a guide for me in exploring the potential of my soul. She has helped me to appreciate my experiences in life and to feel renewed purpose in living. She writes like a mother to children she cares about deeply, and that emotional presence is strong and steady. It will nurture the growth of any reader if he or she is receptive to it. <br /><br />The journey has just begun. The consummation of the spiritual marriage “cannot be fulfilled properly in us during our lifetime,” she says.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-24189277791363772362010-09-24T16:41:00.000-07:002010-09-24T18:29:27.120-07:00Sixth Mansions: The Desire That Consumes the Will“I spent almost twenty years on this stormy sea, falling and rising and bobbing again between the world's attractions and God.” -St. Teresa of Avila<br /><br />It could be said that for St. Teresa, life really began at forty. For almost twenty years, she struggled against desires for the world versus desires for God. A natural extravert, a girl described as “vain and vivacious” and “beautiful and she knew it,” St. Teresa went against her nature for a very long time. After age forty, her unusual experiences and ecstasies began. It could be said that she entered the seventh mansions at some point in her forties. <br /><br />Shortly after, St. Teresa became a prioress and began founding Carmelite convents all over Spain. To do this, she fell back on her natural extroversion that had not ultimately been repressed all those years, but transformed. St. Teresa conducted business and dealt with a wide variety of complex social situations in a most skillful way, while maintaining the gifts of her profound inner journey.<br /><br />However, she spent twenty years of her life berating herself for “worldly desires.” Now, it is not a bad thing, from my perspective, to desire worldly things. What matters most, however, is fulfillment from within. During the time St. Teresa lived, desires of the world were viewed differently. As a result, St. Teresa was in an environment that encouraged her to channel all of her desire upon union with God. <br /><br />St. Teresa writes all sort of amazing things in these chapters. They are truly awe-inspiring. As amazing as her transformation was in the sixth mansions, it certainly wasn't all “fun and games.” Reading her work, I began to see the disillusionment I've had with my life at midlife as a true blessing. A few years back, I gave up on my goals in the world. I didn't get the home and family I wanted or the career I wanted. I felt like a failure in life. <br /><br />Then I realized I could still accomplish one thing- to grow as near to God as I am capable in this lifetime. I've felt fulfilled ever since, not feeling I am “settling” for less in life, but deeply full within that divine connection. St. Teresa has taught me to realize what a gift my life has been, because God has brought about perfect circumstances to draw me near. <br /><br />I feel blessed that I abandoned my previous “spiritual path” five years ago, because it wasn't for me. Towards the end, the dreams and meditation visions I had were nightmarish. I had to stop because it just felt incredibly wrong at the core of my being. For five years after, I was spiritually shut down, afraid to reach out again. This set me out on a path to approach the Christian mystics with a very open mind and more humility, based on my mistakes of the past. My past experiences have also helped me to appreciate each little thing so much more. As of today and reading these chapters, I feel unbelievably blessed.<br /><br />The sixth mansions deal with spiritual matters of extreme emotional intensity. St. Teresa writes of visions, locutions, ecstacies and raptures. She writes of the death of the will, which is so intense one feels the body is also dying. She writes of deep, anguished suffering and grief because she cannot experience all that is God or give back nearly enough in response to the gifts given to her through grace. Although no one's spiritual journey will follow the exact pattern hers had, St. Teresa writes a thorough guidebook for anyone who might have some of these experiences, helping them to determine their authenticity, meaning and purpose. St. Teresa was gifted with an extraordinary range of them, so she had considerable experience. <br /><br />However, these chapters are not about sensationalizing these, but rather celebrating all emotions, from grief to joy, with an immense desire to feel the entire human experience. There is but one over-riding theme: Dissolution of personal will through the deep intensification of desire for God. In fact, upon reading this, I now believe there is but one essential ingredient on the spiritual journey, which is relentless desire for God. Previously, I believed judgment of self and others was the most important thing, but it is not. All consuming desire is the key that unlocks the Kingdom of God.<br /><br />Of course, with my background in psychology, I considered bipolar disorder as an explanation for St. Teresa's experiences. However, as I read through carefully, I discovered some essential differences between bipolar and the spiritual process of St. Teresa. The experiences she shares are described as “fleeting” and she feels deep peace and calm in between these “episodes.” By fleeting, she means, like a lightning flash or an emotional experience lasting just a few hours. These experiences occurred at a late stage of spiritual development. She was in her forties and had no history of these behaviors before. These experiences also went away in time. In addition, the theme of it all was quite the opposite of what is seen in mania. There is no self-aggrandizement but instead, a sense of the “burning away” of the self.<br /><br />I am bipolar and bipolar disorder tore my life to shreds. Bipolar didn't build my character or make me more loving. For a time, I stopped psychiatric medications because I believed I had kundalini rather than bipolar disorder. However, my bipolar began in adolescence and was inherited from my grandmother, quite unlike the experience of St. Teresa. Still, I stopped my medication because I believed that if I took it, it would disrupt my spiritual process. When I couldn't take anymore of the life destruction caused by bipolar, I began to take it again. I believe now that no medication can stop God from manifesting. He's too powerful. He's manifesting for me now while I'm on medications and I'm still clinically stable. I don't know what I would do were I to go through what St. Teresa did. I would be even more skeptical of it all than she was, for the sake of my psychological health.<br /><br />St. Teresa's transformation is not for the weak of heart. She is more courageous than any woman I have known or heard of. St. Teresa writes that there comes a point when God locks all the doors to the previous mansions and opens only the door leading to the seventh, where he dwells. As I read tomorrow, I will discover what happens when this occurs. Until then, I will share some favorite quotes from these chapters below:<br /><br />"Oh, what blessed madness, sisters! If only God would give it to us all."<br /><br />(through desire)“Life becomes sheer, though delectable torture.”<br /><br />“Tears are the water which comes from Heaven.”<br /><br />“Joy makes the soul so forgetful of itself and of everything that it is conscious of nothing, and able to speak of nothing, save of that which proceeds from it's joy-Namely, the praises of God.”<br /><br />“The devil gives praises and delights which seem to be spiritual, but he cannot unite pain and great pain with tranquility and joy. Desire following this is no fear of suffering, but determination to suffer if need be.”Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-21562695147312844052010-09-23T14:40:00.000-07:002010-09-23T15:42:39.403-07:00St.Teresa of Avila As a WomanThis morning I began reading the chapters on the sixth mansions. There are eleven and I got through six. I've decided to wait until I finish them all before I write about them. Instead, today's blog is about St. Teresa as a woman. I'm writing about this because I've been thinking of it quite a lot through all these chapters.<br /><br />The role of women during the times she wrote was very different than the roles today. Women were not allowed to teach spiritually. They were believed to be incapable of being “learned” in theology. Therefore, St. Teresa was not allowed to write authoritatively. Instead, she was only allowed to write about her experiences, in a journal format, of herself in relation to Christ. She also wrote repeatedly about how limited she believed her understanding was because she was a woman. In fact, in may ways, the whole book is a tirade of put-downs and about her womanliness and stupidity. She is even said to have often referred to herself as a “mujeralla,” or worthless little woman. <br /><br />There is a slight possibility that St. Teresa wrote this way in part to save herself from the perils of the Inquisition and also the judgments of her confessors. St. Teresa once said, “Without a doubt, I'm more afraid of those who are so scared of the devil than I am of the devil himself!” However, it is much more probable that St. Teresa really believed herself to be woefully inadequate due to being a woman.<br /><br />There's a great advantage in this: Unlike men who could speak and write with authority, St. Teresa is more personable in her accounts and perhaps more self-scrutinizing. She even writes at length about the difference between true rapture or ecstacy and “ordinary womanly weakness.” It is all the more troubling to me that Breuer, a colleague of Sigmund Freud, called her the “Patron Saint of Hysteria.” If he only knew the level of scrutiny both she and her superiors put her through, the low regard placed on female emotinality and the level of care she took to differentiate her states, he might be ashamed of making such an accusation. However, during Freud's time, “hysteria,” the women's illness, also belittled women and their capacities.<br /><br />Because she is a woman, St. Teresa is able to speak of marriage to “His Majesty” (Christ). This marriage involves unique feminine emotions and needs. In fact, this “guidebook” she has written may speak more strongly to women than to men for this reason, although study of this book can also lend remarkable discovery to men. Did St. Teresa's view of herself as a woman at the time paradoxically lead to her message being all the more potent? God can make the best of topsy-turvy cultural beliefs sometimes, you know. The soul can grow regardless of the culture.<br /><br />My boyfriend, who has read this book many times and benefited from it has noticed the difference between her description of “mansions” versus St. John of the Cross's allegory of “mountains” leading to God. Mansions are more domestic and womb-like, whereas the “mountain” imagery may be more male. Because of her femaleness, she is able to offer a unique perspective that may speak to people in different ways.<br /><br />Did it matter how much St. Teresa put herself down? Why would a fully enlightened woman do such a thing? We all know you just don't do this in today's society without people thinking you are neurotic and sending you to self-esteem classes. It's almost the cardinal sin in many New Age traditions to judge yourself at all. I once attended a New Age gathering where we substituted the word “soul” for “wretch” in the song “Amazing Grace,” due to the concern that anyone might feel the slightest negativity against themselves. <br /><br />It was just as bad to think well of yourself then as it is to think well of yourself now. About humility, St. Teresa wrote, “False humility constricts the soul and body, creating a dryness of spirit, while true humility is tranquil.” Apparently, viewing herself as a stupid wretch did not take away from her tranquility. Low self-esteem is just not a barrier to union with God, no matter how many workshops we attend to “fix it up.” Maybe what we refer to today as “good self esteem” isn't a barrier or a help in our spiritual process either. After reading St. Teresa's work, I just feel self-esteem and self-image in general is irrelevant to spiritual movement, although it is healthy for psychological movement and getting by in society. These are just two different things, I have come to understand. <br /><br />Don't let your guru or minister become your therapist, and don't let your therapist become your spiritual adviser either. While pastoral counseling can be great, unless they are licensed pastoral therapists, go to therapists who are trained in treating mental illness. On the one hand, you have growth of the soul. On the other hand, you have needs to cope with and heal from trauma, for example. God can and does help us heal. But mix-and-match no longer works for me. I prefer Jungian therapy, as it does try to bridge the two, but I still do not consider Jung an authority on religion or a priest or minister an authority on my psyche. That's just my opinion, for what it's worth.<br /><br />When St. Teresa was canonized in 1622, she was praised in the papal bull for “overcoming her female nature.” Thus, she became the very first female Doctor of the Catholic Church. What an amazing thing her female nature was, as it led her to the creation of such detailed and in-depth writings, and to such a rich and fulfilling life within herself and towards others. During a time when women were considered so much less than men, St. Teresa laid down a solid and tangible example of what fullness women (and men) can become.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-2953910335592254052010-09-22T15:18:00.000-07:002010-09-22T16:26:53.907-07:00Interior Castle: Fifth Mansions-Union with GodI woke up at 6:30 am this morning, eager to see what could exist in the fifth mansions. I've only been allowing myself to tackle one level of the mansions at a time, and I've found just that is a huge chunk for me to understand, reflect on and integrate in my own way. Groggily, I opened the book, wondering what could possibly top the fourth mansions, since that was mind-blowing. The fifth mansions actually are about union with God, so I ate that up like candy. Now I'm perplexed because I had previously thought union with God was the ultimate goal of it all. Now, I'm even more intrigued with what comes next, but I won't look yet. <br /><br />Let me share with you what I was able to read this morning. Strangely (to me) St. Teresa said that the majority of her nuns were able to get inside, but that few were able to attain all things in these mansions and move forward from them. This fullfillment of the "riches, treasures and delights" of the fifth mansion, she emphasized, must come from God's granting, not of any specific work towards the goal. In fact, she states "if we endeavor to attain it, we are following our will and not the will of God." The more I read, the more I wanted to attain the sights of the treasures in this mansion. Then I wondered what I desired more, the enjoyment and fun or God. God is not a Wii or a Playstation, after all.<br /><br />No, it is not all fun and games in these mansions. There is a very unique grief, the grief shared with Christ. I never thought about this before, but Jesus grieved. I suppose I think of God as having no emotions, but being beyond them. But, he desires union with us. When a soul reaches this state, she is often overwhelmed with grief for all who cannot experience it. She grieves for all the ways her actions may have made God sad and for how others actions have made God sad. She even asserts that he may have been so very sad about these things that it gave Him more grief than the Passion. What a thought!<br /><br />Thinking of and feeling for and with others is a very strong facet of life in these mansions. An entire chapter is dedicated to loving one's neighbor. St. Teresa also says, "and if anyone told me after reaching this state he enjoyed continual rest and joy, I should say that he has not reached it at all, but that he had only got as far as the previous mansions." <br /><br />Once again, it had never occured to me that in union with God, we might feel the emotions of Christ. I believed it was all "happy happy joy joy," to quote Ren and Stimpy. St. Teresa writes that there are still "crosses to bear," and that that in the fifth mansion, one experiences "peace to a very high degree." Trials are met with serenity and trials bring peace and contentment. However, union with God is not all happy feelings, as I've thought and been told for years by New Age teachers. Why would I choose to follow her and not them? She has no motive to mislead. It is laughable to think she was in this for money or fame.<br /><br />St.Teresa says that when you are in union with God, it is with absolute certainty. This does not mean you shouldn't question it. Always question motives. But, when you experience this, there will be no way to convince yourself it isn't absolutely real. Now, I have felt absolutely certain of things and then doubted them years later. So, I wondered about this. St.Teresa wrote this book fifteen years after she entered the fourth mansions for the first time. In those fifteen years, and far beyond the writing of this book, she continued to grow and develop, as she said we always should. "Love is not idle," she says.<br /><br />Within these chapters, St.Teresa writes a beautiful parable of a silkworm developing into a white butterfly. The cocoon is Christ, in which she is transformed. She notes that the worm is doing no work to transform. It spins and falls asleep. Christ is doing the work. She calls this, "a deep state of prayer, deead to the world." Throughout this chapter, she writes about what she calls a "death of delight." Of course, she never uses the word "ego," but will. I believe "will" is more descriptive. We surrender our will and let God do His work. <br /><br />A common occurrence during the time St.Teresa lived was for a nun to "swoon" and then become completely immobile for several hours or a day. The nun appeared dead, completely undistractible or responsive, still, yet not asleep, with eyes either open or closed. The soul was in a state beyond the body during this time, experiencing sensations and revelations far beyond what the bodily senses can fathom. Still, are these revelations real? St.Teresa says the soul is doubtful until it gains a great deal of experience. Imagination, dreaming, God, the devil.. there are so many things it may be. Yet, this state for some was a beginning phase of entering Divine Union. The "swooning" is a symbol of the death of the will.<br /><br />Where will the butterfly go after it has emerged from the cocoon? St.Teresa leaves this as a mystery for now. She says that for this period, in this castle, the butterfly does not rest but flits constantly about doing God's work. It will rest somewhere she will not yet reveal in the seventh mansions.<br /><br />What a ride this book is taking me on! I can't wait to read more tomorrow.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-86476174769804213332010-09-21T16:30:00.000-07:002010-09-21T16:31:40.572-07:00Interior Castle-Fourth Mansions: Uniting with the SupernaturalI did not realize until reading the three chapters on the fourth mansions how much is happening in the third mansions. It is subtle, yet profound. Shifts of consciousness are occurring as the soul forms a new foundation-a security not in emotional or mental states, but on the unexplainable. This leads to the remarkable “flip-flop” St. Teresa describes in these chapters. Just when you thought you weren't getting anywhere and you realized it didn't matter, voila! <br /><br />In these mansions, “senses gradually lose hold while the soul regains its lost control. The soul enters within itself and rises above itself” through the process of “prayer of recollection.” She writes that the soul is “united with the supernatural.” It is fitting to point out that the “supernatural” is not necessarily God or the fullness of God, but a start in this journey. These mansions of the soul are a radically different state-a very big leap! <br /><br />St. Teresa writes, “Poisonous creatures seldom enter, and if they do, they prove quite harmless-in fact, they do the soul good.” At this stage, emotions and thoughts are not a threat to the experience of God and the soul “enlarges” becoming more and more loving.”Love much,” she writes, “Do then whatever arouses you to God.”She writes that the soul can be united with the supernatural “while thought stays trapped in outer mansions.” In other words, you can dwell in the fourth mansion although not all of your consciousness is there. <br /><br />Through the “prayer of recollection,” she writes that the “senses and faculties” wander for days and years and come back but don't re-enter the castle because habits have been formed “that are hard to conquer.” St. Teresa says that God perceives good intention and in his mercy, pulls them back. So, there is nothing for the soul to do but trust the process at this point. She makes a point of saying that you don't have to try to cease thought. Neither does the soul feel “servile fear” as the “heart enlarges.” “Leave the soul in God's hands and resign as much as possible to the will of God.”<br /><br />In these chapters, St. Teresa writes at length about definitions of spiritual experience. Her main point is that the blessings and “interior dilation” that surpass understanding that come at this stage do not occur at all through our own efforts. She describes this experience as “the greatest peace and quietness, delight.” Paradoxically, the only way this can occur is to love God without motive of self-interest and even to suffer without desire for consolation. <br /><br />In the four hours I studied only these mansions this morning, I pondered and reflected on many things. I realized that I am no longer seeking bliss. I no longer want to always be happy and always in love. For the first time in my life, paradoxically, longing itself is intensely fulfilling. I don't know what I hope to accomplish or why. Today, I am very happy and I have been for some time now. But that is not why I am studying this. I'm studying this because I desire authenticity. No, I don't want to become a nun and go and live in some cloister, as St. Teresa did. Still, I can learn from her many years of very hard work how to go about my own journey.<br /><br />St. Teresa writes about authentic versus “counterfeit” spiritual experiences. She also writes about the very real danger of pride at this stage. I wondered many things as I read. I wondered about souls who experience intense spiritual states who do not yet dwell in these mansions. I also wondered why a soul that arrives here would ever leave. I reflected upon the many times I've been drawn intensely inward into the “interior castle”and then pulled back out abruptly, afraid to return again. <br /><br />Sometimes, traumatic experiences do this. Sometimes, pride does this. It can unravel everything. As I reflected, I began to see that it is a gift if a soul falls back to outer mansions due to pride, rather than to let it stay in the fourth mansions, corrupted. Many enter these mansions with pure hearts and somehow lose the ability to evaluate their motives. This may be why we have the Sai Babas of the world, performing “miracles” while basking in egotistical glory.<br /><br />What about people, and I believe this includes most of us, who experience a taste of the supernatural when we have not yet done the work involved to dwell in the fourth mansions? Grace, perhaps, through God's favors may be the cause. Another possibility is what St. Teresa describes as the “counterfeit” experience. From St. Teresa's description of “counterfeit” experiences, I saw that these are basically a waste of time, other than the fact that they feel good. Another marker of counterfeit experience is that the soul believes it worked for it. It also does not “enlarge the heart” in a lasting way.<br /><br />I believe psychedelic drugs would be an example of this. People on psychedelic drugs may realize extraordinary spiritual truths which they do not even remember when their “trip” is over. While some may actually come to believe in God through such an experience, it is not the same as is the natural extension of a life of devotion to God. Mania would be another example. I once had a profound spiritual experience while manic. I felt such bliss I could not stop crying from the waves of ecstasy and it went on and on. It was not a waste of time. I did believe I had somehow done this to myself through hard work, however and that I had become special. I do not believe my heart was enlarged. I did become happier, more productive and more successful in the time following, but this was a difference in the world and did not bring true movement towards the inner mansions. The “proof is in the pudding” as they say. <br /><br />The task of the fourth mansions is to learn to differentiate supernatural states, to maintain humility and to let go and let God do His work.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-84117514877192148162010-09-20T13:44:00.000-07:002010-09-20T13:51:14.236-07:00St. Teresa of Avila's Third Mansions-Detachment and TransitionNo chapters have been more difficult for me than St. Teresa of Avila's writing about the third mansions. These chapters are less “cut and dried,” contain almost no imagery, and St. Teresa makes several digressions from the main topic. In addition, the teachings were confusing to me because it went so far against my suppositions about spirituality and of what I have been taught about fear. Therefore, I read very carefully many times over and reflected more than usual on each section to achieve a sense of clarity.<br /><br />She begins by referring back to the first two mansions, discussing, “how good it is to walk in fear.” This “threw me” because I have long believed that to be spiritual is to avoid fear and fear-based thinking. However, I began to see the role and place for fear in the early work. I'm not sure it can be avoided anyway, for a beginner in contemplative prayer and meditation. So, it was reassuring that the fear can indeed be a friend and guide.<br /><br />In the same early chapter, St. Teresa writes, “Let us leave our reason and our fears in His hands and let us forget the weakness of our nature which is apt to cause us much worry.” Because of this, I believe the third mansions are a transitional stage, one in which we are moving away from the need for fear in our journey. St. Teresa writes that occasionally during this time of transition we sometimes experience consolation. This is “when he occasionally invites up to see what is happening in the other mansions so that we may prepare to enter them.”<br /><br />Stranger still, she describes who we can learn from. She says, "Select a man completely disillusioned with the things of this world." For me, this was beautiful, as I reflected on my own disillusionment at times. We can look ahead to the stories of fulfillment and peace from they who have been disillusioned and continued onward to reap rewards.<br /><br />St. Teresa writes about how detachment is learned at this stage. There is commonly much frustration and restlessness “for they cannot do as they would like to do and control their feelings all at once.” In addition to this frustration, St. Teresa writes about “aridity” in prayer, which is a dry, parched feeling that feels unfulfilling. During this time, she suggests that we “not focus on our weakness,” but build our sense of inner security in God with or without consolation. From our past fear and defensiveness comes security, although the fear initially serves a good purpose. <br /><br />St. Teresa has written <em>The Interior Castle</em> about her own experience as well as the experiences she has observed in her developing nuns, whose growth she nurtured. I felt distrustful of these passages, and continued to feel perplexed. Part of this was because I had previously read, Teresa of Avila-Progress of a Soul, a biography by Cathleen Medwick. In this book, I read how St. Teresa regularly fell into ecstacies, of which both Teresa and the Church were skeptical and they wondered if came from a demonic source. Other nuns reportedly witnessed her levitate while in prayer on certain occasions. Josef Breuer, a colleague of Sigmund Freud, referred to her as the “patron saint of hysteria.”<br /><br />How odd it struck me that someone like this would spend so many years plodding so soberly through these first three difficult mansions! Clearly, as I have read this outline of the spiritual journey, I realized it was not about what we call the “woo-woo” experiences of spirituality today. Sometimes, I reflect on her experiences in these first three mansions, and they look anguishingly boring and difficult. She does not suggest we “meditate on love” or try to make ourselves feel good. It's an undertaking of steel commitment. I thought about Breuer and wondered just how deeply he had studied St. Teresa before coming to his conclusion. As I reflected on these things, I was assured by how how much I can trust St. Teresa. This realization is on my own accord, and not of external confirmation, such as how she became the first female “Doctor of the Church” in history.<br /><br />Thus, my perspective was changed. I began to pray, as St. Teresa did: “The happiness we should pray for is the complete security of the blessed.” In learning to detach from fear and desire, and to focus on patience on our process, for so long as it shall take, we begin to find security in that which is beyond good feelings, negative feelings or the lack of feelings. Through allowing ourselves to be tested as we grow in this security, the doors begin to open to the fourth mansions.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-2106785295449834632010-09-19T15:12:00.000-07:002010-09-19T15:54:08.448-07:00Interior Castle, Second Mansions: Change of WillThis morning, I have continued my study of The Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila, and supplemented it with my newly arrived book, The <em>Could of Unknowing</em>, by Anonymous, translated by Carmen Acevedo Butcher. Happily, these two texts fit together beautifully in my growing awareness.<br /><br />In yesterday's blog post, I discussed the entry into the internal castle, which is based on prayer, and its first mansions, which are dark and full of "reptiles." A network of mansions surrounds the center, which is Christ. The task of entering the first mansion is to learn both humility and trust for that which you do not understand. I see that there are two options at the point of the first mansions. <br /><br />One option is to run back out through the gate and to seek comfort and security in the things of the world, such as a romantic partner, alcohol, drugs, compulsive tv, etc. We've been taught that love and God may only be found within ourselves, but usually first-time meditators find themselves caught in the first mansions St.Teresa describes. It is dark. It is hard to stop thinking. Emotional disturbances happen. We are sometimes beset with anxious or terrifying thoughts. It is no wonder so many give the practice up, although we do have another option.<br /><br />Anonymous, in the Cloud of Unknowing, writes, "Make your home in the darkness." For me, it is better to live in the darkness within than the falseness outside. As St.Teresa writes, "Outside the castle, it(the soul) will find neither security or peace." It is okay to make our home in the darkness, because we know deep down that we can find our way through it to the center. <br /><br />Some people find, when they begin meditation, that they also need psychotherapy. This can help to brave the world within. When overwhelmed, it is fine to run back out but then to enter in again with a professional. However the method we use in exploring the first mansions, there reaches a point where we know it is time to go deeper. One indicator is that we are no longer feeling threatened in our journey within, although some, St.Teresa writes, "get to the second mansion through the desire to flee the first." She then writes, "All powers of hell try to drive the soul back to the first mansion."<br /><br />The difference in these two levels of mansions is that in the second mansions, there is a little more light and the soul can hear for the first time. The soul can hear God calling. The soul then becomes consumed by grief by not being able to respond. So, in many ways, St.Teresa considers this mansion full of more suffering.<br /><br />To go forward, St.Teresa writes takes "fixed determination to risk everything rather than return to the first mansions." This morning as I was reading Cloud of Knowing, I came upon the phrase, "naked intent," which the Cloud's author describes as being essential. Purity of intent fixes detrmination upon seeking God. Anonymous writes, in the Cloud of Unknowing, that "You only need a naked intent for God--when you yearn for Him, it is enough."<br /><br />In the second mansions, we experience a deepening of the experience in the first. Humility deepens. Desire for God deepens. We are moving farther away from worldly concerns as we move towards the middle, where Christ dwells. My understanding so far of the Cloud of Unknowing is that the darkness is of knowing what you don't know and it is also what you have forgotten. Forgetting the pull of outside influences begins the process of alignment towards God's reign.<br /><br />The supreme gift of the second mansions is that the will "inclines to love God." <br /><br />"The will shows the soul how the true love never leaves it, but goes with it everywhere and gives it life and being." -St.Teresa of AvilaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-21032905004997147792010-09-18T14:51:00.000-07:002010-09-28T16:20:16.881-07:00Learning to Trust: Interior Castle by St.Teresa of AvilaSometimes, when we go through trauma, it is difficult to know whom or what to trust. Complicating that, when entering a spiritual path, we are often taught not to trust our minds. On top of that, because we are hurting, we crave comfort and consolation. Therefore, sometimes whatever thought makes us feel better is often chosen, true or not. Love is not always comfort and consolation, yet when we are in the depths of pain, we seek it strongly and without question. <br />
<br />
All of the above factors place us in a very vulnerable position. In this state, it is easy to be manipulated. As I was pondering what is safe to trust, I came upon a book called Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila. St. Teresa writes about our inner life as a castle containing many manor houses. The center is where Christ dwells. In the midst of psychic pain, it is understandable to want to jump to the middle to be with Christ. However, St. Teresa advises us to begin by opening the door to the castle and to explore what we can experience at the outer-most level. <br />
<br />
Starting with humility is the only way to move towards the innermost mansion. You may have already been told not to trust your mind, because it can stand in the way of direct experience of God, but St. Teresa cautions us to question our desires as well. What do we most want in life? Is it a new car, a new house, a new career or a romantic partner? If so, it is difficult to even open the door to the interior castle. While desiring material things or success in the world is not wrong, to undertake the interior journey is to desire union with God above all things. Some people never have and never will. In fact, few are called to the contemplative life. Those who are will find guidance through St. Teresa's writing, as she is an excellent tour guide of the interior castle, having immersed herself in the castle thoroughly as she dwelled in it. <br />
<br />
We all know people who live for television and beer after work, who day after day seem to have no need to ponder the meaning of life or their relationship to God. This isn't wrong. They are simply not called to do so. If you are reading this, you are probably called by grace. It is certainly nothing you have done of your own volition. However, you stand outside the gate with all the reality show addicts and others, but unlike them, you have a desire to go inside. This desire opens the gate. <br />
<br />
St. Teresa describes this room as dark. You can barely see. The light of Christ allows you to see, but very little. You are surrounded by what she describes as “reptiles.” As I read this, I imagined snakes and crocodiles. I imagined that these reptiles represented by compulsive desires to think at the expense of faith, to be trapped in negativity, and to desire other things than God before Him. These reptiles are everywhere! Is this a pleasant meditation for someone who has experienced trauma? I would think not. However, as you walk through this room, you learn that the only way to get through this mansion is to discover the things you can trust. <br />
<br />
As I moved through this meditation, I noticed how carefully I was placing my feet, so as not to bump into anything, especially not a reptile! I discovered I could trust my steps. I also discovered that I could trust my breath, as this reminded me that I was visualizing this world as my body sat safe in my chair. <br />
<br />
Through making these careful steps, I learned I could trust my humility, my patience and my deliberateness. By not giving over emotional energy to the reptiles, I was safe and well. So it is similar that survivors of trauma may also learn to trust simple things. You are trusting no man. You are learning to walk in alignment with God's will.<br />
<br />
For those afraid of snakes or of being in dimly lit rooms, I would say, avoid this meditation. In some cases, facing this exercise anyway may help you to discover untapped courage. However, you can still practice the essence of it in your daily life, through remembering to trust what is simple and to direct your desires toward God.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-75547139506744841922010-09-13T14:21:00.000-07:002010-09-28T16:21:07.212-07:00Will Stopping Judgment Automatically Lead to Peace?<em>The Voice of Knowledge</em>, by don Miguel Ruiz, describes the way that the “knowledge of good and evil” led to the fall from the Garden of Eden. This knowledge, or judgment and other activity of the mind, stands in the way of peace. If we could unravel our judgments, we could then return to the Garden of Eden. When I first read this teaching, it made sense. I automatically thought of all the verses of the Bible teaching against judgment, and of the ultimate sacrifice of Christ granting redemption. It never occurred to me to ask questions about it. I was afraid to trust my mind.<br />
<br />
However, today I have asked questions. Can merely stopping judgment return us to the state described in the Garden of Eden? Is judgment synonymous with ego? With sin? When we stop judging, are we thus filled only with unconditional love? Is our current instinctual state the same as it was in the Garden of Eden? Can it be? Will we naturally be loving if we cease judgment? Is our true nature to be self-seeking and pleasure seeking or is to be selfless?<br />
<br />
The description of The Voice of Knowledge on the Amazon website states: <br />
“What Ruiz calls "the voice of knowledge" others spiritual teachers might call ego--the hidden and carefully defended belief system that prevents us from living and expressing who we really are." But, is Ruiz really describing anything at all synonymous with the ego? And, is it only the belief system we defend that stands in the way of our true self?<br />
<br />
Miguel is right that stopping judgment is critical to return to inner peace. However, he is wrong that this is the only thing required. Yes, the heart of the Christian tradition is love and forgiveness, but it is also based on the desire to live as Christ did. The heart of his message is to love God with your whole heart, soul and mind. That means not to put other things before God, like pursuit of wealth, pursuit of sex, and pursuit of belief that if you want something, so should it be. Jesus did say, “Ask in my name and you shall receive,” but key here is “in my name.”To pray for a million dollars and attach Jesus's name upon it is not what he was talking about. “In my name,” would be to put unselfish desires before selfish ones. Otherwise, we are still intent, as the serpent promised, on ruling the universe. There was more to eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil than curiosity alone. Pride was involved. Adam and Eve wanted to “be like gods.” <br />
<br />
Yet, are we not God? True, there is no place where God ends and we begin, but our brains are tiny and God is infinite. Therefore, if our puny desires are considered more important then fitting into God's overall plan, we will thus be endlessly disappointed and deluded. Our version of the Garden of Eden may or may not be what God created. But what if we do not “attach” to those desires? What if we have no regard to outcome while still passionately proclaiming what we want? Still, there is the problem of pride. Is not attaching to outcome a trick we are using so we can “manifest” our wants? Is it just a way of shielding us from pain if God says, “no?” I don't remember Jesus saying, “I will help you manifest your heart's desires.” Using “love energy” to believe in your ability is the same as using Jesus's name to demand what you want, expecting it to be given. Which is stronger here: our desire for what we want or our desire to discover what God wants? That is the question. How can we strengthen our desire for God?<br />
<br />
What is love? If we were free of judgment, would we be naturally loving, because that is our true nature? Grace and redemption do not change the effects of original sin. One of those effects is the struggle between our will and God's. It continues. People who love with “unconditional love” still have to cope with this dilemma. They are not immune. Do you remember the story in the Lord of the Rings? The Ring gives you the power to will whatever you want. Everyone initially believes they will do nothing but good with the ring, but slowly they become completely corrupted. <br />
<br />
We are here on earth to be “like God,” following Christ's example. We are not here to be “as God” following our whims and fancies. It is true that many people feel undeserving and may be creating a life for themselves that does not bring rewards, for that reason. But, does it then follow that people should feel fully deserving of all things for their own sake? The over-entitled life has nothing whatsoever to do with love. Good luck to those who feel abundant, create abundance, etc. Whatever they're full of, its not going to bring them any closer to lasting peace.<br />
<br />
The latest book by Ruiz, The Fifth Agreement, advises us to "be skeptical." On that subject, I agree with him.<br />
<br />
“The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. 14Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.”<br />
Romans 13:12-14Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-60793494748150814602010-09-12T15:50:00.000-07:002010-09-12T17:16:21.812-07:00Seeking the TruthIt might be incorrectly inferred from my last post that I am defending the Catholic Church. Well, I'm not even Catholic. Still, I don't believe they deserve to be demonized because someone has a difference of opinion. I have actually been Episcopalian for 15 years, despite a six year journey into New Age spirituality. I've considered becoming Catholic many times, but I have some differences in beliefs that fit better with Episcopalianism.<br /><br />It is more important to deal with our psychological issues around religion than it is to decide who's right and who's wrong. Being human, we are each going to have our own interpretation of everything, including the Bible. Almost every church I know of believes they are right and everyone else is wrong. Some even go so far as to call others “false teachers.” On the other end of the spectrum are New Agers who believe no one is wrong and that everyone is right.. unless, of course, the organization is drawing attention to moral issues, judgment and guilt. That, most New Agers would agree, would be wrong. <br /><br />There is a sense of inner security to be found in both positions. If I am right and everyone else is wrong, I can feel confident in my faith. If no one is right or wrong, then I am free from examining my motives and be guided by “what feels good,” which obviously isn't guilt-based. Realizing that we are all humans trying to find our way is not a “feel good” or secure position. Everyone, regardless of where they fall on the continuum I outlined, is afraid of being “misled.” So, we recoil in fear and blame others. Also, we are often drawn to beliefs and faiths that meet psychological needs, whether to feel safe or to mentally escape a lifetime of perceived oppression and judgment.<br /><br />The Catholic Church has a 2000 year history. Protestant churches are babies by comparison. Like Buddhists, Catholics have a rich history of practicing meditation and preserving this tradition. This is something I do not find often in Protestant churches. When Protestants do meditate, they seem to start from scratch, which to me is like re-inventing the wheel. But, I am not talking about beliefs here, but practices and stances toward meditation. As far as beliefs are concerned, the Catholic Church has admitted being wrong many times through the centuries and made changes to remedy problems. Still, they preserve the best of what they feel is truth. So, I am not angry at them for not changing it all on a dime because someone disagrees.<br /><br />Just because an idea is new and fresh does not make it better. Religious Science, to me, is a case-in-point. But, being humans, we can only express opinion, as I am doing here. Ultimate truth is known only to God. Most seekers, whether they be Christian, Buddhist or New Age, do sincerely seek the truth. There are those who intentionally mislead others with profit motives, or who encourage violence in the name of God. These, most would agree, are true False Teachers with capital letters. However, many times New Age followers are led to believe that profit motives are good. At that point, a wide range of abuses may occur, and because judgment is a no-no, there is no way to sort out what to believe.<br /><br />I do not believe Matthew Fox is a false teacher. His philosophy is ripe with life and creative energy which is very good. He just doesn't tell the whole story of Christ as I see Him. Also, his beliefs do not oppose the basic catechism of the Episcopal Church. His areas of difference with Catholics are not considered critical to the Episcopal catechism. So, both he and I have found a home. But, I may awaken one day and discover I'm wrong, just like Fox felt he was wrong. I may be fifty and switch religions. I don't feel animosity towards him for differences in opinion. I merely see in him an anger at Catholicism and an insistence that they change for him which permeates his website. It concerns me. But, what concerns me now is that I am working through anger at the New Age Movement. I feel the victim of other's selfishness, but what's important now is strengthening myself so I'm not fooled again. So, today, I'm feeling more at peace with it. I'm not going to insist they change for me. <br /><br />A thought occurred to me this morning: There is no threat to the Truth. None. We really have nothing to fear, because the truth will not be tainted by our mistakes in our sincere searching. We can't damage it. We can damage ourselves, true, but we can learn from it and move on in our awareness. It is most harmful of all to avoid questioning, acceptance of our humanness and the desire to grow closer to God as we see Him.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4524525268566286163.post-81696608585997528902010-09-11T19:45:00.000-07:002010-09-28T16:21:49.548-07:00Healing Through GraceMatthew Fox has a major bone to pick with the Catholic Church. I have a major bone to pick with the New Age Movement he represents. Both of us are wrong. However, we are both human beings who hurt, have anger and who have a hard time letting go. Resentment feels like a rigid, ball-like mass in my stomach that pulls my energy strongly to it and seems to want to hold me eternally there. This mass in my stomach does not seem to desire God. All it seems to be able to say is, “I hurt. I hurt, and I'm pissed off, too. Listen to me and the many ways I can justify it.”<br />
<br />
How can I pay attention to this pain without this ball controlling me? How can I move beyond this ball to desire God? It's louder right now than the “still, small voice” of God. As it's sapping my energy and demanding all my attention, it seems to say, “Come here, now! And don't bring your love with you!” I am baffled by how to approach it. I feel frustrated, not realizing the ball is trapping me when I'm caught unaware! I don't know what to do with this ball. I don't want to ignore it or push it away. As I contemplate, I'm already in it, mentally wondering, doubting, like a mother who just doesn't know what to do with her infant.<br />
<br />
I back up in my awareness and see the mother perplexed with what to do with the baby. Damn it! My desires are trapped. My intention is to long for is purity of heart, yet I cannot even feel or reach the place of longing. Damn it! My desires are trapped. I have no clarity or peace.<br />
<br />
I just finished reading a <em>Christian Meditation: Experiencing the Presence of God </em>by James Finley. This book was a soul-opener. The problem for me is that the last time my soul opened, I felt the sense of critical trauma. A former monk and present psychologist specializing in trauma, Finley writes about the soul's journey up a mountain to be with God, because he wants to rise above worldly things. But, on the way up, he hears a baby crying in the valley below. He returns to the village, abandoning his climb. In his union with this crying child, which represents the traumatized child in himself, he suddenly finds himself at the top of the mountain with God.<br />
<br />
As I walk down from the mountain, anxiety grips me. Fear of “not loving right” paralyzes me. What does this confusing baby want? Does it long to be with me? I'm afraid it will trap me and swallow me whole. Why do I feel it isn't really a baby, but a demon? It's a mystery I don't understand. Why do I feel it wants to suck out my very soul?<br />
<br />
Imagine the babe as stuck in a well. He fears the rescuer is as evil as the one who put him in the well, so he will not come out. It's the old “devil you know vs. the devil you don't.” The rescuer, too, is afraid of the child. Does it somehow have the power to pull him in with him as well? So, we have a standstill. Neither trusts the other. It doesn't matter how hard or how long we focus on love or compassion, the divide will not be resolved through the power of our will.<br />
<br />
Both sides of the psyche must take a risk to become whole. It's not whether we desire to save or to be saved, it is salvation which we do not know. We don't know how to offer or accept it. We cannot bridge this impasse on our own. So, my understanding of this part of the message of Jesus is, “I'm giving my life for you. I believe you can trust that. It's obvious I am no threat.” The only solution to the dilemma of inner trust is to be receptive to grace. Grace is freely given. It cannot be earned through belief or non-belief. Receptive or no, grace shines through. But, if we are not receptive, we may not even recognize it. To be receptive to grace is to take a step into the unknown.<br />
<br />
Matthew Fox is the author of <em>The Coming of the Cosmic Christ</em>. I will admit I have not read his work in depth. I have not desired to after reading the many articles posted on his website. Reading these has led me to lose interest in Matthew Fox's teachings. While that does not mean that he is wrong, I'd like to share about what I think is missing from them in the articles by him that I have read. I fear that his work, like a lot of New Age teachings, is devoid of the intention to develop purity of heart. Matthew Fox lauds the teaching of Ernest Holmes, author of the Science of Mind used in Religious Science churches. In these churches, an emphasis is placed on fulfilling the heart's desire for wealth, prosperity, and whatever else is believed by the petitioner to be a God-given right. From my viewpoint, not only are material things secondary to the desire for God, but to build these things in life takes patience. Patience is suffering. Hence, the word patient means, “he who suffers.” It's not about wanting what we want and now.<br />
<br />
I want my heart to be pure with intent only for God. I don't even believe God can be reduced to the word, “love” because that word is so emotionally laden with egoic desires that the meaning of God's love is diluted. When love becomes whatever we want it to be, happiness becomes good and suffering becomes bad and should be avoided, which seems to reflect the attitude of many New Agers. Matthew Fox even says that focus upon Christ's death and suffering is a part of a “fascist piety of pain.” He goes on to poke fun of the Catholic practice of the Stations of the Cross, gazing at crucifixes and other such things. Matthew Fox has brought the teachings of great saints and mystics to the public. However, these very same saints were often ascetic and contemplated suffering. So, I wonder if he may be taking them out of context. The child and rescuer in my story were suffering. Will they not suffer anymore through the power of grace? Or will they continue to suffer until they learn, through grace, what they are meant to learn, before the suffering subsides?<br />
<br />
Is suffering not a part of life that we are called to embrace? How can I find union with God if my desire is to avoid suffering? Did Christ avoid it? Did Christ not embrace it? Did Jesus desire his death on the cross? When we examine and weed out thought which causes suffering and is therefore bad to us, who is doing this sorting out? Is it suffering which we need to avoid or impure desire? Which is the greater obstacle to fulfillment?<br />
<br />
Fox ties Buddhism and other religions in with his teaching. My understanding of both Buddhism and Christianity is that neither focus on the accumulation of wealth and prosperity. Neither Christianity nor Buddhism puts selfish desire above the desire to serve others. Neither Buddhism nor Christianity teaches the avoidance of suffering as the path to peace, yet New Age teachers will say that their work stems from the “heart of all religious traditions.” That is why the New Age heart no longer reflects my heart.<br />
<br />
I have a deficit of understanding as to why Matthew Fox is so venomous in his attacks of the Catholic Church. He had a difference of opinion with them and was asked to move on. That difference was over “original sin,” which he claims does not exist. If a Catholic priest wanted to teach original sin at his “University of the Creation Spirituality” would Fox allow him to teach the opposite point of view? Probably not, because it just wouldn't fit. So, Fox didn't fit anymore. But why then should the Church change to his point of view?<br />
<br />
Since they have not agreed to change their point of view, Fox writes angry and venomous things which “make them wrong.”He even posted “95 Theses” against the Catholic Church in the same place where Martin Luther once did. They didn't change for Martin Luther and they aren't going to change for him. Despite their many major foibles through the centuries, they are going to continue their pursuit for purity of heart regardless of what Fox has to say.<br />
<br />
But, I cannot judge Matthew Fox. My heart is full of anger too. I feel misled by teachings such as his, that I feel took me far away from God instead of towards Him. Likewise, Fox feels the Church tried to stifle his free thought and creativity. Which of us are the most wounded? Does it really matter? We are both left with the task of inner reconciliation. How we heal is between us and God.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.matthewfox.org/sys-tmpl/recentarticlesbymatthewfox/">Recent Articles by Matthew Fox<br />
</a><br />
<a href="http://contemplativeway.org/index.html">The Contemplative Way website of James Finley</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0